The night {Colifer fan fiction}

Chapter 32: You are not alone

*later that day*

We had finished filming the proposal and now it was time to go get changed and then go to hair and makeup. I had taken off the necklace, as I didn't want people to start asking questions I wasn't ready to answer yet. We agreed that we would let everyone know in a few days. Well, everyone, excluding the media and fans. That was something that couldn't happen any time soon, for obvious reasons.

I was still replaying my happy moment with Colin from earlier in my head. It helped calm down my nervousness for what was about to follow. Three days had passed since I met with Adam and I still could barely hold myself from crying whenever I thought about it.

It felt like all the pain I had buried deep inside me all those years ago would come to the surface and overwhelm me. The more time went by, the more nervous I became. I wasn't ready for it.

And I proved myself right.

We were both ready for filming. My hair was in a neat braid. The clothes I was wearing were the prettiest clothes Emma Swan has ever worn. We were taken to the filming location.

I kept taking deep breaths and reminded myself that it was just a challenge I had to overcome. Once I did, it would be over. I wouldn't have to deal with it again. I kept telling myself that it was going to be ok.

And I couldn't be more wrong.

We went inside and took our appointed positions. I went through my lines one last time before I took the biggest breath I could.

We started filming. It was going better than I expected. Until the lines I feared the most came.

"The man I fell in love with would know that. He would know that we would do things together."

I said the line perfectly fine, without my voice breaking more than it should. But I could feel the tears coming. And I knew I couldn't keep them from falling much longer.

"Emma, I'm..."

My fingers traveled to the ring I was wearing as part of the costume. It was a hard reminder of what had happened between me and him.

"That is what I agreed to marry. That is what I thought that we were-" I said and couldn't take it anymore.

It was too painful. Too real.

"I'm sorry, I can't." I announced and ran to the part of the house that was supposed to be a kitchen, before I embarrassed myself.

"Can you give us a minute?" I heard Colin say before everyone left.

I was standing beside the kitchen table, supporting my weight with my hands against its surface. Only a second later I felt his hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked concerned.

I couldn't bear look him in the eyes because then I would certainly break.

"I...I can't." I whimpered.

He pulled out the nearest chair and sat down. He got hold of my waist and sat me on his lap. I didn't protest, although I wanted to.

We stood in complete silence for a couple minutes. I was constantly staring at our laps, not moving at all. He was gently caressing my hair with one hand, while his other was resting on top of my hands, on my lap.

"Feeling better?" he asked, breaking the silence.

I slowly lifted my head up and looked into his blue eyes. He looked really worried. I was really conflicted on the inside. I wanted to tell him because we were together now, so he deserved to know, but at the same time I didn't want to burden him with my issues. The first option won in the end.

"I loved him, Colin." I finally confessed before covering my face with both hands and starting crying.

He cupped the back of my head with his palm and laid it on his shoulder. I wasn't sure whether he knew who I was referring to, but he was very comforting.

When I felt like I could talk again, I lifted my head. He was looking at me, waiting for me to speak.

"Jesse...he...we were engaged." I breathed, wiping some tears away.

"It's ok you can tell me." he reassured me with a nod of his head.

"We were engaged and we-we had a fight and then..." I stuttered between sobs.

Even now, it was still painful to walk about it.

"...then I gave him the ring back. And we...we never talked about it again. He didn't want to talk about it. He had made up his mind even before the fight." I explained.

"Hey, it's ok, it was a long time ago." he comforted me.

"That's not the reason I'm upset. At least it's not the only one." I admitted.

He looked at me with an agitated look.

"Ever since Adam gave me the script, I've had this fear." I hesitated.

"What fear?" he questioned.

"The fear that you will leave me too, eventually. Everybody does." I answered.

I could feel the tears threatening to come back.

He smiled faintly.

"You don't have to worry about that, love. I told you, I'm not leaving you." he reassured me.

"I know, but I can't shake this feeling. It keeps coming back, no matter what I do." I told him.

"Hey how about that? Every time you feel that way, you come to me and kiss me. Or, call me if I'm not around and I will come as soon as possible. Hm?" he asked.

I nodded. He came closer and kissed me briefly.

"You don't have to deal with this on your own. You are not alone anymore. You never were. No matter what it is, you come to me, ok?" he asked.

"Yes." I replied smiling.

"Ok, so, how about I go ask nicely for the rest of the day off and we go grab some coffee?" he suggested.

"Sounds good." I answered and we headed out holding hands.