My civilisation (D.D)

Twenty two: Aimlessly.

Beth, Tyreese.

Two new names to add to the book.

We'd spent days...hell maybe even weeks just wondering around aimlessly looking for any sort of shelter.

I'd like to say that we were doing just fine, getting along and being a really happy family but that would be a whole load of bullshit.

Truth is each of us was hungry, thirsty and tired. The truck had broke down and we were homeless. We were constantly walking and when we rested it was never for long. And to make matters 100 times worse the sun was scorching and we were being baked alive in the heat.

In all honesty we craved even a droplet of water.

Daryl would hardly talk to anyone, he secluded himself and would always leave the group to look for food or water, each time I tried to talk to him he pushed me away. And for once in my life I had no fucking clue what to do.

Sasha was in bits. She'd lost Bob and her brother. You see a little while ago we went to take Noah home and of course we were unsuccessful, Tyreese was bit.

Maggie was quiet and kept to herself but she managed to keep herself together quite well which was impressive. I would never be able to keep it together after such a loss. But that's just me.

Eugene normally tagged near the back. You see he had lied about knowing the cure and a lot of the group were annoyed with his cowardliness. Personally I didn't have the energy to be annoyed. I had nothing against the man.

Everyone else was either silent or moaning about being tired.

Now I would always walk at the front of the group, a lot of the time they would struggle to keep up with me but I was so full of anger and bitterness that i pushed through my feelings of tiredness and hunger.

I wasn't the same person I was anymore.

I had been so lost in grief that I didn't talk to anyone, I didn't listen to anyone, hell i didn't even look at anyone.

Most nights I would sit alone poking at the fire. I would hum that lullaby to myself every night and day. I knew I got a lot of concerned looks when I hummed to myself. But I didn't give a shit.

I missed my brother. I missed him so much. And the reality that he wasn't here was beginning to sink in more and more each day.
And I didn't know how to cope with that. I didn't know how to deal with the lose of my brother.

I thought over time I would feel better but I only feel worse.

I would always leave the group like Daryl had and find a tree and chuck knifes into the bark to get my anger out and scream in peace. I have to admit I did cry whenever I left because I couldn't contain the tears eager to come out.

But I sure as hell didn't cry in front of anyone.

I would come back and no one would suspect a thing.

Carl tried to tag along beside me a few times. Carl was pretty much the only person I would let walk next to me without walking of.

Carl was more mature now. He knew I didn't want to talk and he understood that. Sometimes he would just hold my hand like siblings do as we would walk in silence and i honestly appreciated that.

Rick and Carol tried to talk to me the first few days we were trudging down the roads and through the forests but whenever the words escaped their mouths I would walk of.

I was becoming colder, like my old self and I didn't know how to stop my self from being this angry person. I was just so...lost.