Supernatural Preferences and Imagines

Always In My Head (Part 2)- Castiel

Part 2 of 'Somebody Else' requested by: PetrifiedMuffin and DIVERGENTLIFE4evah

This chapter starts at Season 7 episode 17- Castiel regains his memories.

I think of you// I haven't slept// I think I do// But, I don't forget// My body moves// Goes where I will// But though I try my heart stays still// It never moves// Just won't be led

"I remember you," Castiel said slowly, not facing you, Dean, or Meg. He then turned around and looked regretfully at you, then to Dean. "I remember everything: what I did, what I became... Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because Sam's dying in there-"

"-Because of me!" Castiel snarled. "Everything! All these people- I shouldn't be here." He shoved his way between Dean and Meg and began walking off.

"If you remember, then you know you did the best you could at the time," Dean said as he trailed behind the angel.

Castiel huffed. "Don't defend me. Do you have any idea the death toll in Heaven? On Earth?" He paused. "We didn't part friends, Dean. And Y/n..."

"So what?" Dean asked.

"I deserved to die. Now, I can't possibly fix it, so why did I even walk out of that river?"

"Maybe to fix it," you said quietly. Castiel cast his eyes away.

"Wait-" Dean opened the trunk of the Impala and dug out a tattered, old trench coat. You heard Castiel's breath hitch as the Winchester held it out in front of the angel. He reached out for the coat tentatively and put it on as if the material would dissolve under his touch.

"Before I go in, I'd like to speak with Y/n."

Dean nodded and went back towards the entrance of the hospital. Castiel took a long sigh and waited for him to be out of earshot.

"Y/n, it has been... a journey, hasn't it?"

"It has," you whispered, refusing to make more eye contact with him.

"You're here alone?"

"What do you mean alone?"

Castiel frowned and shifted his weight. "Where is Evan?"

"He's dead," you said blankly. "He was killed by leviathans who later tormented me with his form. They... you don't want to know. All I need to say is, I no longer feel safe when I think of him. After he died I went back to the Winchesters. I told them about our meeting on the street when you didn't remember. That's why we're here now."

"Y/n, I'm sorry-"

"Don't give me pity right now. I don't need it. Especially not from you."

"I sense you blame me for what has happened, I understand." His eyes were filled with pain.

"Just-" You sighed, trying to sort out the thoughts running through your mind. It was hard with your lack of sleep. "Let's just see what we can do about Sam."

My body moves// Goes where I will// But though I try my heart stays still// It never moves// Just won't be led

Your time with Castiel after he lost his sanity was very interesting, to put it lightly. Sam and Dean noticed it when they came around with the Leviathan tablet. Though humble and kind, Castiel was able to express so much pain; Pain that you thought impossible for an angel to show.

He still loved you. And you... You never stopped loving him.

Those thoughts about the angel you used to know filled your head constantly then eventually led you back to Evan. You used to be happy with him after you moved on from Castiel- your body moved on, yes. Now that you thought about it, did your heart?