Garrix & Me (Martin Garrix Fanfiction)

Chapter 32

Martin's POV

"And you're right. I'm pathetic and it's embarrassing that I keep running after you because I'm stupid enough to-"

I crash my lips against hers, not wanting her to continue. She's not pathetic, she's just too goddamn good for me and that's why I take advantage of her.

Ever since the first day I arrived at that shithole and after she kept showing up every time I did something stupid, I started to realize she wouldn't go away. I knew she'd always come running back no matter what I said or did. I just don't understand it. I don't understand why she does it, why she even gives a shit. I don't. I don't give a shit about myself.

The guilt in my chest is still overwhelmingly large, only getting larger as I recall the conversation with my mother. Fuck. It brought up everything I've been pushing away. I felt as if I was being suffocated and that familiar feeling of having no way out surfaced again. It triggered the only self preservation mechanism in my brain and I found myself driving straight to the bar Mark told me about. The burning of whiskey down my throat seemed to ease the pain away and the memories.

Zoe's small hands push at my chest as she struggles to move away. I pull her closer, tightening my grip around her waist.

"Kiss me," the words tumble out.

I press my lips to hers again, a soft moan escaping. Her hands grab my jacket and she pulls on the lapels before pushing me away, with as much strength as she can muster.

Why the fuck does she always want to run away?

She's just like her, in so many ways.

For a moment, Zoe's hair turns a pale blonde, her blue eyes lightning.

I snap out of it and push away the comparison, shoving it deep into the back of my mind. The images are torturous.

"Please," I say, my nose brushing against her warm cheek, "I need you."

I don't know why but I don't regret the words as they escape. Zoe's hands tug on my hair and I smother her lips with mine.

It's at that moment that the guilt resurfaces as a fresh new wave. My life has been nothing but a massive fuck up. Everyone knows it but no one ever stopped me before.. it happened.

As Zoe's hands tug harder on my hair, I pull her closer, closing the inch of distance between us.

She really is stupid, to keep coming back. I don't know when she'll realize it but I hope she doesn't. I hope she never comes to her senses and keeps trying with me. I know I'll never change, nothing can change how fucked up I've become, what's happened is irreversible. But the fact that she's good enough to try, to keep trying is what twists my stomach uncomfortably and a burning sensation takes over my eyes.

As the first tear falls, my first instinct is to pull away and get as far away from her as is bloody possible. No one has ever made me fucking cry like a damn baby. But then again, Zoe's made me do things I never thought I would do.

Her trying to make me better makes me want to be better.

The thing is, I want someone to fix all this shit for me.

As she moans softly, her small fingers pulling on my hair, I know she can.

But I don't know if I'm ready to let her try. To let anybody try for that matter.

Zoe's POV

I need you.

I need you.