[EDITING] ChanBaek: Wildest Dreams ¦ 슬픈 사랑 Series

(54) Butterflies Are Dead

Baekhyun breathed heavily. Hindi pa sya nakakarating sa elevator pero nanlalambot na sya. His head is throbing, his stomach is churning, his heart suddenly felt heavy. Pakiramdam nya nakalutang sya.

Gusto nyang tanggalin ang puso sa loob. Hindi kasi to nakikisama. His body is numb yet his heart aches badly.

His lungs are burning. Maybe from crying too much. Akala nya wala na syang iiyak pa, akala nya magiging manhid narin ang mata nya pero bakit ganon, ayaw kasi tumigil eh. Ang hirap pigilan.

Pilit nyang pinupunasan pero ayaw parin tumigil. It just gets harder the more he tried to wipe it off. It just gets blurry the more he tried to clear his vision.

Bakit?

Ganon ba kahirap sagutin ang bakit? Ganon ba kahirap magpaliwanag. Ganon ba kahirap gumawa ng excuse para kahit hindi totoo, may isasaksak sya sa kukote nya, may idadahilan sya kung bakit yon nagawa ni Chanyeol.

O baka nga kasi hindi talaga sya ang bida. All this time he thought it was perfect between them, it was all fairytales and happy endings. He thought it was everything he could wish for.

Why does he have to fall behind Do Kyungsoo all over again?

Napahawak sya pader ng elavator, habang pinupunasan ang muka nya. He can see his reflection on the steel wall, distorted, and wrecked. Suddenly he can see his true self in front of him.

Ito sya. Noon pa man iyan na sya. Malaki lang talaga ang pader na nabuo nya. He created a physical image of Byun Baekhyun, the puppy yet the bitch of them all.

Tangina lang dahil hinayaan nyang sirain ni Chanyeol ang pader na yon.

Gusto nyany tanungin ang mundo kung bakit nga ba sya pinaparusahan ng ganto. Kung bakit lahat ng tao kailangan syang iwan. Kung bakit sa dami ng taong umalis sa tabi nya, ang lakas parin ng loob nyang magtiwala at maging tanga.

Pero anong karapatan nyang tanungin to. Kahit wala sya iikot parin yon. Hindi iiyak ang mundo para sakanya. Hindi sya sasagutin non dahil kahit anong gawin nya, isa lang sya sa milyon milyong taong magtatanong dito.

Hindi nya alam kung paano nya pa bubuuin ang sarili. Paano nga ba yung ginawa nya nung iwan sya ng lola nya, ano bang ginawa nya nung iniwan sya ng mga magulang nya. Hindi nya narin kasi maalala yung ginawa nya ng iwan rin sya ni Sehun, at ni Jongdae.

Si Jongdae.

He wanted to see Jongdae.

I will hide you in the deepest, darkest place existing in the world, so you won't see each other anymore.

He needed Jongdae, just as much as he needed him when Sehun hurt him. He neededJongdae's shelter.

Pero wala na rin si Jongdae para gawin yon. He was all by himself.

Gusto nya nang mamatay sa sakit. Kung pwede lang syang mamatay sa sakit. Kung iyon lang ang paraan para mawala lahat.

Napahawak sya lalo sa pader ng elevator ng maramdaman nya ang pagkaubos ng hangin sa baga nya. Sinubukan nyang habulin ang hininga pero pakirandama nya, sumisikip sa loob ng elevator.

Why is this feeling coming back?

Maybe he's dying. Thank God, he's dying.

Napaupo sya sa sahig habang pilit na hinahabol ang hininga. If this is the only way to stop the pain, he won't run after his breath anymore. Yes, he should succumb to the darkness eating it's way towards him.

And he did...

Napahiga sya sa sahig, kasabay ng pagpikit ng mga mata nya. Sana hindi na sya magising pa.