Reaching for Rebecca

Chapter 56

REBECCA'S POV

"You live here? Alone?" I asked.

Landon bolted the door behind us and threw a blanket on the holey couch before plopping down. He gestured to the part covered by the blanket for me to sit.

"Technically my mom lives here too, but she kind of comes and goes." I nod my head, trying not to show how sad I feel for him because I know he wouldn't like that. "Do you want anything to drink at all? I have, uh, some water..." he starts to get up to go to the fridge but I stop him.

"I'm good Landon. Thanks though." He clenches his jaw and nods curtly.

"So, I guess you want to know why I freaked out earlier huh?"

I reach out and lay my hand on his clenching hands.

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to Landon. Just know that I'm your friend and I care about you, so if there's ever anything you have to get off your chest you can talk to me." His arms go from his lap and clasp around my waist to bring me into a tight hug. His chin rests on my shoulder and I hear him sigh.

"You're so amazing Becca. I want to tell you everything but it's hard, you know?"

"Believe me, I know," I mention and rub my hands across his back soothingly until he pulls back.

"I'll tell you my story but I need to say something else first without you freaking out." He seems incredibly nervous but I wait patiently until he's ready. "I'm not really sure, but," he stops and gives his head a little shake.

"It's okay," I urge him on and he takes a deep breath. Honestly, I'm kind of freaking out about what he's going to say.

"I'm not really sure because I don't know what it feels like, but I think... I think that I love you." I know the shock is evident on throughout my facial features and he tenses up before quickly continuing. "And I don't want you to freak out because it's not like romantic." Now I'm confused.

"Um, okay?" I say, unsure of what's happening. His eyes have a look of fear in them and it almost breaks my heart which keeps me in this awkward conversation.

"I promise it's not romantic. It's just like - God this is so hard to explain," he almost shouts, ripping his hands from my hold and pacing back and forth in front of the old couch. "I don't even know. I just feel close to you but not in the way you're thinking!" I can see that he's frustrated and his fists have begun their clench and unclench ritual. Standing in his path, I reach up and grab his arm tightly so he stops pacing.

"I'm not going to run away. Let's sit down and just take your time explaining it to me." It seems to calm him somewhat and we both take a seat on the couch again. Landon lays his head in his hands and breathes deeply. A few minutes pass by without him saying anything so I cautiously set my hand on his back, as a comforting notion, and feel him slightly lean into me.

"I just, I don't know how it feels. I can't explain it." His voice is throaty and deep. It sounds very different than usual but I'm not sure why.

"You don't know how what feels Landon?" I say in a soft and calm voice. He turns to me and I see the start of tears in his eyes; I practically hear my heart shatter for the man in the leather jacket next to me.

"Love."

I pull him in for a tight hug and nestle his head on my shoulder once again. He doesn't tuck it into my neck like Ryan often does; instead he rests his chin on my shoulder and leans his head against my own.

"I never really had it and you just seem to care about me so much. I don't get it." His voice is shakier and he's clutching onto me tight. I don't think he likes me, likes me, but I needed to help him through this. I didn't know his story yet but if he's never felt any kind of love then I'm sure he's just confused.