Remembering Us

1.31 Regret

Ellie

1.31

Regret

   I still haven’t talk to John about going to the Lake. It’s because my insides are still fighting whether I should let him remember me and let him die or stay like this and wait for a miracle that doesn’t really happen in the world that we live in.

Someone knocked

“Who is it?” I asked getting up from the couch and heading over to the door

“It’s John”

I quickly opened the door and saw the person I have been waiting for so long to come to my house ever since I made my choice. Even though seeing him makes me happy, I should be cold to him… to save his life. Right?

“What are you doing here?” My mouth spoke the words without me wanting to really say it

“I-I was just wondering if…y-you could help me with…the homework” He said “I had this feeling that you’re the only one that could help me”

I smiled to myself.

“Come in” I said moving aside “I’m glad you came to me for help"

“What?” He asked being astonished

“Nothing, it’s just… because we’re lab partners” I said regaining myself

“Ah”

“I have to get my textbook” I said walking towards the stairs

“Sure” He answered.

As I quickly dashed towards my room, I saw Sam was standing there by the door waiting for me. His expression was dark.

I walked towards him now slowing down.

“So, you’re going to pretend like nothing happened?” He asked with disdain

“What are you saying?”

“I mean just tutor him or are you going to tell him to come to the lake?” He asked now looking over to John from the balcony.

“I don’t know” I said bluntly

“Decide, it’s now or never”

I opened the door and said “I have to go”

The moment I stepped into my room, the lights that were the lines on my ceiling lit up. I found myself staring at the last one I wrote.

I will tell him to come

or forever be no one

-1.30

I found the textbook.

*****

“Sorry to keep you waiting” I said smiling

“It’s okay”

I sat beside him remembering what it was like when I could touch him and kiss him. My insides suddenly churned but I managed to get a hold of myself.

“So, where are you having trouble?” I asked opening my textbook.

Here

“What?” I asked noticing that he kelted that one

“Here” He said pointing at the problem

As I talk to him, my feelings grew. I know what I must do.

“Ellie, is there something wrong?” He asked looking towards me

“No, I just have a headache” I answered.

Why can’t I say it?

“You know if you have something in your mind, come to a place where you can think and decide on what you must do” He said smiling

“Do you have a place like that?”

“Yeah, I will be going there this February 14 to think about things” he paused “It’s been a long time since I had a girlfriend” He said smiling

But I’m your girlfriend…

February 14? It’s too late…I’m too late…

“And where is that?” I asked still hurt and regaining myself

“Lake Cypress”

I smiled to myself even though I know that no matter what happens, I can no longer be with John. Either he finds the note, regains his memories then die or stay like this. I now know that there’s no possible future where I can be with him.