If You Marry Me, Would You... (Frerard)

Chapter 36

Gerard was broken.

It didn't take him long to realize it. After all, once Frank left him, he spent all night lying in his bed, crying and screaming into the pillow, tearing his clothes off of his body, washing himself with freezing cold water to a point where he was shaking and close to hypothermia.

Actually, he didn't care anymore. He would let himself freeze to death in this bathtub, because every reason he had to live had just ran out the front door.

The worst part though, was that the reason for all of this was his stupidity, his weaknesses, his lack of ability to stand a chance against Jonathan.

But when did he ever stand a chance against Jonathan? The man practically owned him. He had no choice but to agree to the deal, that sadistic deal that led him to the realization that he was alone now.

And more than that, he let Jonathan take over him, he played straight into the younger's arms, probably with Michael's help, and now, the two of them won.

He couldn't believe he actually let this happen. He said that he'd protect Frank, that he will carry him to the end.

Well... this was the end, apparently.

And if that's the case, then... Michael's plan had worked. He said this was going to hurt. And it hurt. It hurt so, so much. Gerard felt as if his insides were bleeding, and he was slowly dying without the ability to help himself, to stand a chance against the neverending horror-show that was his life.

he found love. He finally had one person he could truly want, and not only sexually.

Frank was right there, he was in the palm of Gerard's hand and Gerard let him go.

And it was time to face the facts - Frank wasn't coming back.

Gerard had pushed him beyond his limits, brought the younger to his absolute breaking point, just so he could shatter his heart and kick him out, there, in Frank's weakest spot, in his most tearful moment. He hit all the wrong nerves and now everything was frozen, he brought down one cell and the whole system fell.

There was no way back from there, there was no "take it or leave it", no safeword. He couldn't just open his eyes and see Frank's sleeping figure beside him, and realize it was nothing but a bad dream.

It was bad, it definitely wasn't a dream though.

All he could see in front of his eyes was darkness, but he knew he wasn't asleep.

His mind was clouded with dark thoughts, and he was over-flooded with disturbing questions. What was going to happen to Livvie? What was going to happen to Bob? What was going to happen to HIM? And... what was going to happen to Frank?

Livvie was probably going to take Bob from the hospital, look after him, keep him safe. The elder knew she would keep him safe. But when will Bob wake up, anyway? How could Gerard possibly face him and tell him everything that had happened?

And Gerard? How was he supposed to go on from here? Will he even be alive by the day he would have to inform Bob with the news?

He didn't know if Michael was going to leave him alone. This couldn't be the end of his plan. The younger brother had always been smarter than that...

And with Jonathan lusting after him all around, Gerard doubted he would even make it to the end of the month.

But above all... there was Frank.

Where was the younger kid supposed to go? The possibility of him starting stripping again was more than likely.

Oh god, he might have to live on the streets now, would have to afford an apartment like he did when he left his first home....