Pokemon One-Shots and Headcanons

Paul's Proposal Woes

"All right, let's try this again," Ash muttered, wondering how in the name of Arceus he had let himself get talked into this situation. "I'm Dawn. You're proposing to me. Now, what do you say?"
Ash Ketchum was helping his former rival, Paul, propose to his girlfriend, Dawn, who also happened to be one of Ash's best friends. The purple-haired Sinnoh native had called him three days ago asking him for help with his proposal and Ash, for reasons still unknown, had agreed. Now here they were, going through their fifth attempt of the day, and Paul still wasn't getting any better at coming up with a decent proposal. Ash wished Serena was here with him, but his wife had gotten a call from Dawn to help with one of her contest moves.
"Okay, then," Paul said, getting down on both knees. "Is this how you do it?"
"Only if you're planning to beg her to marry you," Ash replied, trying hard not to laugh.
Paul actually looked a little alarmed at that thought. "Do you think I'll have to?" he asked worriedly.
"Of course not," Ash said quickly. "A blind idiot could see that Dawn loves you. You just have to get the proposal over with, marry her, and then have a happy little family together."
"Come on, Ash. I want the proposal to be memorable," Paul said, a hint of frustration in his voice. Then his eyes lit up. "Oh, how about this? I go to her house and light off a bunch of fireworks that spell 'Marry me, Dawn?'."
"You're going to light off a bunch of fireworks in front of a wooden house?" Ash asked, unable to suppress a snort of amusement. "So you're probably going to burn her house done if Piplup doesn't do something in time, get slapped by Dawn, and then hope she accepts your proposal? Yeah, good luck making it to your wedding day alive."
Paul sighed and sat down on Ash's couch. "All right, forget the fireworks then," he said. "What if I battled Ho-oh, defeated her, and then proposed?"
"You seem to be under the impression that you'd actually be able to win against Ho-oh," Ash said in a flat tone.
They continued tossing out ideas that were immediately shot down. Eventually, coming up with ridiculous proposal schemes had become almost automatic.
"Well, how does this sound?" Paul asked, before taking a deep breath. "Dawn, you're so fine...ee. Let's get married and do 'it' times three."
Ash just stared at his rival for a few moments before deciding it was best not to dignify it with a response. "Why don't you just take her out to dinner or something?"
"Too traditional. Everyone does that," Paul said dismissively. "I want my proposal to be memorable, like yours was."
"Mine was only memorable because all of my and Serena's Pokemon jumped on us after I proposed to her," Ash reminded him.
"Exactly," Paul replied, nodding. "Memorable, right?"
"Well as interesting as it would be to see all of your Pokemon jump on you and Dawn, if they behave anything like mine did, I doubt she'd be too happy about Pachirisu and Electivire making her hair look like a Jolteon," Ash told him.
They lapsed into silence, the sound of the cogs in their brains working the only thing piercing the stillness. Paul risked a glance over at Ash before he took his chance.
"You make my heart explode like a nuclear bomb, the place where our special love was born-"
"Your love was born in a nuclear bomb?" Ash repeated, trying not to laugh.
Paul scowled at him. "No! From our heart, you idiot! Now shut up, I want to finish," he said. Taking a breath, he continued, "You make my heart explode like a nuclear bomb, the place where our special love was born. So now I ask you, marry me? Our kids will look better than Jynx, I guarantee."
Ash's lips started twitching as he fought to suppress his laughter. "Are you serious?" he asked before he saw Paul's face fall. "Look, just forget the poems, okay? I think it's best for your and Dawn's health."
Paul muttered something under his breath before his eyes lit up again. "Oh, then how about this? Even if Electivire made your hair stick out like a Jolteon, you'd still be prettier than Mr. Mime or Nosepass. If your face was covered in burns from a Charizard and covered in boils, I'd still want to marry you and be forever loyal."
Ash stared at Paul for a moment, trying to come up with an appropriate response. Finally, he sighed and said, "Look Paul, I'm just going to be brutally honest here. You suck at writing poems. If you try that in front of Dawn, I think we'll be testing that theory in reverse when she has Typhlosion burn you with Flamethrower and pours pus over your head."
"But I don't know what else to say," Paul muttered. "It's true that I'd never leave her....no matter what she looks like....she's perfect, you know, and-"
"All right, I understand," Ash interrupted, holding up his hands. He'd listened to Dawn, after having one too many drinks a few months ago, confess all the reasons she loved Paul and never wanted to relive the experience again. "Look Paul, you're making this into a bigger deal than it has to be. The proposal will be memorable no matter what you do because she loves you and you love her. Just....you know, tell her how you feel and then pop the question."
Paul nodded. "You're right. Thanks, Ash," he said, getting up. "I'm going to propose to her tonight at her favorite restaurant."
"Perfect," Ash said, smiling. Then he frowned as another thought crossed his mind. "Just one last thing, though. Do you have the ring?"
Paul just stared at him before uttering a single word. "Uh....."
Ash smacked his forehead.