Pokemon One-Shots and Headcanons

Pokemon Characters Rant About Fanfiction

Ash: Is it just me, or does it seem like the Pokemon fans have run out of ideas for their stories? I mean, come on. Ninety-five percent of Pokemon fanfictions are betrayal stories, and all of them have the exact same generic plot line! I come home, find my friends at my house, everyone except a select few tell me to give up on my dream, I run away, and then I come back and kick their asses until they either beg for forgiveness or are met with some sort of untimely end. And it isn't as if any other fanfiction that doesn't revolve around betrayal is exactly original either, because every single one has something about me having aura powers in them or being abused by my mother. If you're really lucky, you'll find a story with both! Come on, would it hurt to have a little creativity for a change? 

Serena: Not only that, but the way they portray girls, especially me, in stories is completely unrealistic! Any story that isn't Amourshipping, especially Pokeshipping ones, goes out of their way to make me look like some sort of psychopathic, obsessive stalker who would go out of their way to ruin their best friend's happiness. Come on, I'm not that insane! 

Misty: You think you have it bad? In every single Amourshipping story, I'm always written as the "home wrecker" in Ash and Serena's relationship! Look, I know I have a bad temper, but do you really think I'd try to sabotage his relationship? And just because I hit people with a mallet on occasion does NOT make me abusive! 

Ash: Well, technically it does. 

Misty: Oh, shut up, Ash Ketchum! Anyway, as I was saying, Pokemon fanfictions do a horrible job of portraying the girls accurately. 

Greninja: Before the rest of the girls start ranting as well, I just need to throw in my two cents. Why is it that these fanfiction writers are better at deciding my fate than the actual Pokemon writers? I mean, at least they let me go back to Ash, unlike the stupid canon writers! Look, the bond phenomenon isn't strictly necessary to taking care of the vines. Squishy and Z-2 can fix Kalos themselves just fine; it would just take them longer. So if any Pokemon anime writers are reading this, please take note and let me go back to Ash. 

Hawlucha: That's great and all, Greninja, but tell me one thing. Why am I always a background character in every single story? I don't think I've read more than one or two stories where I'm actually a central character for more than a chapter or two. I mean, I get that these fanfiction writers want to appeal to their readers by giving the spotlight to more popular Pokemon like Charizard, Sceptile, and Greninja, but come on, am I really that unimportant? Surely there must be at least someone who can write a good story with me as a main character. 

Talonflame: If you think that's bad, try being me. No one can agree on whether or not I'm male or female! Now to be fair, it never was officially announced in the anime, so I guess it's still up to interpretation. But come on, can't we all just come to an agreement? I'm starting to forget which gender I actually am now. 

Pikachu: Going back to what Ash was saying earlier about betrayal stories, you know what really pisses me off? All the stories that write me in as one of the traitors. Seriously, do you guys really think I'd betray my best friend? Of course I wouldn't! And not only that, but why in the name of everything holy would I go to Max Maple after leaving Ash? No, seriously, if you ready any story where I betray Ash, Max is ALWAYS the one I go to, and that's not an exaggeration. If I were to go to anyone after leaving Ash (which, once again, I wouldn't), it would definitely not be him. Maybe Clemont or Bonnie or even Gary, but Max? No way. I'd rather die than let myself be commanded by that brat. 

Dawn: I really hate stories that ship me with Kenny. Just...look, I understand he has a crush on me or something, but have you seen how he acts? He's a total creep! "Dawn, if I beat Ash in a battle, you have to come travel with me!" Excuse me? I have no problem if he wants to make a wager with Ash on something else, but leave me out of it! He has no respect for me whatsoever and I really don't understand why so many people think we'd make a good couple. 

Iris: Why are there hardly any Negaishipping stories? Seriously, you find Amourshipping, Pearlshipping, Pokeshipping, and even Advanceshipping stories everywhere, but there are almost no Negaishipping stories. Surely the thought of me being with Ash doesn't disgust everyone that much. Honestly, all I really did was call him a kid a few times, and that's nothing in comparison to how Misty treated him, so why does everyone like her more than me? 

Charizard: Meh. In every story I've found, I'm always Ash's most powerful Pokemon, so I have no problem with any of it. 

*sees a story where Greninja is more powerful than he is* 

THAT'S IT! I'M COMING FOR YOU!