Too much too young

21

I stood by my kitchen windows and looked out at the beautiful garden. The gardeners I had paid to create the tranquil space had done a fantastic job.  I didn't get to enjoy the house as much as I would like to , I was so busy with work. I knew that I wouldn't always be in high demand so I wanted to my money while I could. I took my smoothie and walked outside, I rested my body into the large bench. I watched as roxy drank water from the pool , life was good.

I stared at the abandoned towels that laid on the floor and thought about the night before. It had been so difficult keeping things platonic between us. We hadn't even kissed since the concert it had just been fun. I still wasn't ready to blur the lines of our relationship. Right now he was asleep in the spare room, I had thought he would sneak in to my room during the night but he hadn't. I was disappointed because I really did want him but I was grateful that he had respected my wishes.

The thought of him laying on my sheet naked make my body twitch. I wanted to be there with him but I knew we were doing the right thing in taking things slow. Our relationship working was my priority , I couldn't lose him again. I needed to sit him down and explain how much he had hurt me. I needed him to tell me everything, there couldn't be any secrets.

Sometimes I think that I'm making a mistake and that I will just get hurt again but it's a chance I had to take. To anyone else I must look like a woman who can't be on their own but that's not the case. It is true that I haven't been single for more than 6 months at a time but that wasn't because I couldn't be alone, I was just lucky enough to find two men who meant the world to me.

"Hi kid"

I looked up and saw Donnie towering over me, I had thought the sun had gone behind a cloud.

"Hi , did you sleep well" I asked as Donnie saw beside me. He was holding a large white paper bag and holding a tray with Starbucks.

"I did, did you"

"Yeah , what's that your holding" I asked as I eyed the large bag.

Donnie explained that he had arranged for breakfast to be delivered. It was like him to be so thoughtful, I shouldn't have been surprised. 

"I had a great night, I had expected you to sneak in my room" a large smile filled his face, I hadn't meant to blurt it out.

A guffaw left Donnies throat, he almost chocked on his breakfast muffin. "Kid you don't know how many times I stood at your door. It took all my control to not enter."

I giggled and ate my muffin as roxy begged at my feet.

"You were right when you said we needed to wait. Every aspect of our time together was rushed but I wouldn't change a thing. I'm happy my mum got to see us marry and all the other amazing things we did together. We have been lucky, we have shared more love in two years than most people get in a lifetime. I was lucky to have you and a fool to push you away, I know that" he sounded so sincere. I was surprised to see that tears had escaped his eyes.

My own eyes were wet , his words had broke me. I wasn't ready for this conversation but something told me he was going to open up. I couldn't speak , I nodded in response.

Donnie took a large breath and continued his speech " I wanted kids, I've always wanted kids you know that. Well when my mother passed I realised I had only shared 30 years with her. What if I didn't have kids till I was 40 and then I died young. I want to spend as much time with my family as I can. In my defence I never wanted to go through with the divorce, I thought you would back down and agree to a baby. I forgot how strong willed you are, I should have known that I wouldn't bully you into doing what I wanted"

Donnie took my hand in his own and caressed it lovingly. "I love you Emily, I always have. The worst day of my life was when I let you go. All the way through the divorce I wanted to call it off but I wouldn't admit that I had been wrong"

"I love you Donnie but you hurt me, things can't just go back to how they were. I want to give us a second chance but it has to be slow. I don't want you saying in a years time that you want kids or were over again. I'm in for the long hall if you are" I was following my heart and ignoring my brain. I hoped I wouldn't regret it. I wouldn't be able to lose Donnie again. I had been through so much in my short life, I knew I wouldn't survive further heartbreak.

"Can I stay here with you until my away game" Donnie asked as he wrapped his arm around me.

"Yeah ok" I was concerned that things would quickly go back to how they had been before. I didn't want us to spend every minute together, I needed my own time.

"You could stay with me at Malibu at the weekend" Donnie looked hopeful, I hoped he would understand my refusal.

"I can't this weekend, I'm flying to New York to visit Tammy and the girls for a week. I'll sleep over next weekend" I winced expecting Donnie to be angry but he surprised me.

"Give them my love, do you want me to look after the mutt" Donnie and as striking roxy who had jumped on to his lap in search of leftovers.

It hadn't taken roxy long to forgive him, she acted like he had never been missing from her life.