Too much too young

39

Donnie and I had been in Texas for a week and I still hadn't met my mums sister. I was beginning to think that I would never meet her, she had been a no show at all the events kitty had arranged. I had met her children and even her husband but she had made excuses every time kitty tried to arrange for us to meet.  I wondered whether she hated my mother that much , is that why she didn't want to meet me. Maybe she had read about me online and was ashamed by my past. When I had told kitty about my upbringing and what I had done to survive she had cried. I could tell that she was silently cursing my mother.

Kitty and my pop would say that my mother was stubborn even as a child she would not back down. It was strange because I had never seen that side of her. My mother had always been so easy going and had always been a push over, she let my dad walk all over her. The woman everyone described wasn't the woman who had brought me up, I hadn't realised that my father had broke her that much.

I was sat in the hotels restaurant waiting for my brother George to meet me for lunch. He had called me just that morning, he said he wanted to know more about his mother  and I'm the only one who could tell him.

I was nervous, I had been dreading this since I had learnt of my mothers abandonment of him. I felt like I had taken his mother from him, that I had taken his love. I could only imagine how horrible it must have been knowing that your mother chose not to be involved in your life. It must have hurt more when he found that she had brought another child after having nothing to do with him.

"Hi Emily" I looked up and saw George standing across from me.

I smiled and watched as he sat, "hi George"

My stomach was in bits, I hadn't been this nervous in my whole life.

"Have you ordered"

I shook my head.

"Should I order for the both of us, they do a great rib eye" George asked as he picked up his menu.

"You like steak don't you"

"I live on steak" I joked.

George signalled the waiter over and ordered an insane amount of food and 2 glasses of sweet tea.

"I hope you didn't have any plans, I would hate to have put you out" George said with a shy smile.

"No. I was happy to hear from you"

"This is so unusual but I'm not sure what to say, I've thought of so many questions but I can't seem to get the words out"  his fingers were nervously pulling at a napkin. He hadn't stopped fidgeting since he sat.

"Shoot, I'll answer what ever question I can" I was happy that I wasn't the only nervous one.

"Was mother happy"

That was one question I hadn't anticipated, I didn't know how to answer him. Do I tell him the truth or do I give him an answer to make him happy.

"You can be honest" he promoted.

"At the end she was, mom didn't have a good life. My dad hit her, he treat her like he hated her and she would let him when he lived with us he would spend all our money on drugs leaving us  with no money for food or bills. We had a horrible life, mom tried to make our home happy."

"You said she was happy at the end, what changed" George sipped at his tea and waited for me to elaborate.

I took a sigh and thought about my mothers death. "Mom had cancer, she told me she was in remission so I got a Saturday job at a diner. I started saving up so we could celebrate her birthday, we went to the cinema and she looked so happy"

Tears started to gather in my eyes " she loved it, she smiled the whole time. I had never seen her like that. You see money was tight even after my father left we struggled so we hadn't been to the cinema in years. For one night we were just a normal mother and daughter, I know it's silly but.... well mom died that night in her sleep. I'm grateful that she had a good night before she died"

"Were things that bad, money wise I mean"

I nodded.

"I don't understand why she let you live like that, why didn't she come home.  Memaw and pops would have welcomed you both with open arms" he was as confused as I was.

I had no answer for that I couldn't understand that either.

"She never spoke about me, how could she not tell you that you had a brother"

"George I don't know why she didn't tell me, she must have been ashamed of herself. Mom would never have left you behind if she hadn't have thought it was the best. I had an awful childhood sure I had my mom but I was poor and slept on a sofa. I didn't get my own bed until I was 15."

"I had a great childhood, I got everything I could have wanted. I got great vacations, a loving family and a great education but when your 8 none of that matters. I just wanted a mom like all my friends." George was almost crying.

Our food was placed in front of us, we both stared at our food and busied ourself in cutting our meat.

"I'm sorry"

George out his hand across the table and held mine. "It's ok, I just thought that one day I would get to meet her. I have nothing, no memories. Nothing"

I put my hand to my chest and felt my mother locket, she had died wearing it. It was the only piece of her jewellery that she hadn't pawned when we needed money. My mother said it held her heart, I had worn it since her death.

I pulled the chain from my neck and put the locket in George's palm. He looked at me in confusion.

"This was moms, you should have it"

"I can't do that, it's yours" he argued.

"I had mom for 15 years, I have memories . You should have this, mom said it held her heart, she wore this everyday"
He ran his fingers across the gold , he studied it like it held the lottery numbers.

"It opens" he said to himself.

I took a bite of my steak and nodded.

George dropped his fork and gasped.

"You ok" I asked. He looked like he had seen a ghost.

He was staring at the photos like he expected them to change.

"What's wrong" I was worried now.

"This is me, she had a photo of me in her locket" he turned the locket and pointed at the photo of a small baby. The baby was around 2 with a bold head and dimples. I had always assumed it was me, I had never asked my mom. The other photo I knew was me, it was taken the day I was born. I was surprised that George and I looked so alike as babies.

"It's me, look that's my birthmark" he said pointing at the barely visible mark under his eye.

George's eyes didn't leave the photo "Mom wanted me close to her heart, she loved me"