Too much too young

24

I sat in the green room and looked down at my nervous hands. My fingers were in knots, I moved my hands so they were under me. A member of the crew entered and informed me I would be on the set in ten minutes. I saw that she had noticed my hands, she offered me a drink to calm my nerves. It was only 9am so I refused. I had considered downing a few shots but it probably wasn't the best idea.

I looked around the room and wondered why they called it a Green room when the walls were more of a sand colour.

I wasn't nervous to be on the show I was more worried about the questions that I would be asked. My management team had already warned me that there were photos of Johnny proposing to me on the major tabloids. I hadn't had time to release a statement, my first priority was to contact Donnie but he didn't answer my calls. I could have sent him a message but things like this don't belong in messages. In reality he deserved to hear it from me in person but no doubt he already knew. 

I looked at the impressive ring that rested on my finger, I pushed it around with my thumb. I hadn't seen the tabloids but I knew they wouldn't be kind. I hated to read any articles in which I was mentioned, even if it was good. I just didn't enjoy being a person of interest, I didn't understand why people were so interested in me.  I really wasn't that exciting.

I decided to check my make up before I headed to the set. I was appearing live with Kelly and Ryan. I was so nervous, I had never met Kelly but Ryan was one of Donnies friends so I knew him. I knew the interview would be awkward giving the events of the previous day.

A small chime erupted from my phone and I saw angels name. I sighed and shook my head, he was the last person I wanted to speak to. I tapped my long nail on message and felt rage boil through me.

Angel: em I'm so sorry, I didn't message you. Johnny had used my phone. I hope your ok

It all made sense, I should have known that it was Johnny who had messaged me. I had blocked his number on my phone so he had no other way to contact me. He knew I wouldn't pass up seeing angel, my times with him had always been memorable.

My name was called so I made my way to the infamous cream seats. I hugged Kelly and Ryan who were both kind and welcoming.

We had been talking for a few minutes when the subject I was dreading was brought up.

"So Emily we have all woken up to photos of a dramatic proposal. Everyone is desperate to know all the details" Kelly said as Ryan sat quietly.

I had known the question would be asked but I wasn't mentally prepared to answer it. I looked into the camera and smiled but my smile was fake, I was an actress after all.

"You must be really happy" Ryan said as he looked at me, I could hear the sarcasm in his voice.

"It's obviously an honour to be asked but I have no intentions of getting engaged. I'm still unsure why Johnny even asked me, we haven't spoken in months and we are not in a relationship. I would not like to comment on what Johnny could possibly be thinking but I know I have no interest in renewing anything with him. I'm happy with my life,  and I hope Johnny can find happiness with someone else"  I sounded more confident than I felt.

"So your not engaged but are you in a relationship " Ryan asked.

"No I'm not engaged but I have recently renewed a friendship that makes me happy. I will always have love for Johnny, he is a very special man but  " I cant finish my sentence, i don't know what to say.

"So this new friendship isn't with the rock star Johnny" Kelly asked.

"No it's not but My renewed friendship with Donnie may have been the cause behind his sudden proposal. I can understand it must be confusing seeing gossip about my ex husband, i know he must be hurting" the flashbacks of him in bed with another women still hurt. I knew I would rather be single my whole life than be with him, as much as i still loved him and believe i will always love him i would never trust him and without trust you have nothing.

"Are the rumours that your dating your ex husband Donnie true " Ryan asked, he already knew the answer.

A smile filled my face, I couldn't hide how happy Donnie made me. "Me and Donnie are not dating, we have only recently started speaking so i would rather not speak about it."

"I assume he is less than pleased with yesterday's events" Ryan said with a laugh.

"That would be an understatement, he knows how much i have been through and I didn't need what happened yesterday. "

"So what happened when Johnny proposed to you, we have only seen photos of him down in one knee. Everyone is curious if what came afterwards. After all you are wearing a very beautiful ring" Kelly asked.

"I paid for my ring and left after I told him no that is. I was so mad, I couldn't believe that it was really happening. I felt humiliated, he had some nerve to do that especially in Tiffanys of all places. I really do hope he sorts his life out and accepts that we have no future"

.............................

I left the studio and made my way back to my hotel, I hoped I would have heard from Donnie but I was still waiting. I wanted to speak to him to make sure he knew that I hadn't considered Johnny proposal for even a second. Things had been so good between us, I didn't want anything to change.

I made my way to the hotels gym and let out my aggression in the boxing bag.   My fist connected against that with such fury That I was almost shaking.  I couldn't believe what had happened it didn't seem real. I knew I needed to speak to Johnny, I took my phone in my hands and called him.

"Emily" his voice sounded desperate, he sounded a little drunk.

"We need to talk, don't be happy about it. It's not going to be a good conversation" I spat.

"Is it true"

"Is what true" I asked.

"Your back with lurch" I hated how he spoke about Donnie.

"I have been on a date with him yes, what I want to talk about is you. What possessed you to come to me, let alone propose. "

"I love you em, I made a huge mistake. I thought you had cheated on me so I didn't it back to you. I know it's excuse" I heard the pain in his voice but it wouldn't change how I felt.

"Your a fool if you think I would ever take you back. I gave you my heart and you crushed it, I may forgive what you did but I will never forget. Me and you will never be together again."

"Em please, no one loves you like I do" he reasoned.

"You know how much i loved you, you made me believe in love again and i will always be grateful for that but If you truly loved me you would leave me alone. I want you to be happy but I'm not responsible for your happiness"

"I've got to go , I hope he appreciates you" Johnny said as he dropped the call. I feel so guilty it must be so hard for him knowing im potentially going to reunite with my ex.

I dont believe you get 1 great love, i know for a fact i have had 2. Ive felt more love in the last 4 years than most people do in their whole lives.