The Football Coach • l.t. au

Chapter Thirty Eight

TRIGGER WARNING:

This chapter contains self-harming that might be triggering for some readers. Please skip this part if it makes you uncomfortable.

I'll mark it before the scene so you'll know where to skip.

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Chapter Thirty Eight

"Holly, you don't know who I am. You have no idea what I was and neither does Louis. I just want to get away from that side of me but I can't. I thought I have but I was wrong. I didnt learn from it at all!" I say, I can feel my cheeks getting soaked with tears.

"Of course you did Meg. If you didn't learn from it then what do call it then?" She asks.

"I ran. I ran away from all of it." I say.

"What's the difference?"

"Learning is difficult but doesn't hurt. Running is easier but it hurts so much. Not the moment you do but as time goes by,

The pain builds up until it swallows you alive"

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TRIGGER WARNING
The rest of this chapter contains graphic descriptions. Please read with caution. If it's too much, by all means, please skip to the next chapter.
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It's right there. It's sitting right there.
What more do I have to live for?

I can't change even if I tried. I can't move on even if I wanted to. I can't see anything good in me even people say there is something there. I'm a coward when it comes to everything.
I run away from everything so what's the difference if I ran away now...

The cold metal is firmly in my hand.
The presence of it on my skin is cold and dangerous. Everyone's words run through my head but none of them are audible. All I know is they hurt. They hurt more than anything. It cut me to my depth. I didnt know words cut that deep. But the words that hurt most of all came from the woman who I thought could love me all my life.

With each stabbing word, the blade digs deeper in my skin making tears spring to my eyes. The pain in my chest slowly became numb. My hand shook as I brought it up and press it onto my wrist. Now their words came in flashes. Their faces, their voices. Each one hurt. Each one cuts me deep.

The metal fell from my hand and all my senses came back. The white tiles of the bathroom stained with red. My wrist had slashes, dark, warm blood spill from the opened skin.

What hurts more? The wounds or the words?

I feel anger boil inside me and I kick the blade far away. I cover my face and cried. What the fuck is wrong with me?!

= HOLLY's POV =

I jumped when there was a loud knock on the door. More like a pound. Dad and Lilia went out to take Karen and Em to school. I told them I'd take the bus with a friend but that was never my intention.

I opened the door and let the charming young man in. But he looks different. The last time I saw him he was so happy and full of life. Now it's like seeing someone who hasn't slept or eaten for a month.

His hair is messy and not the good kind. He looks disoriented and lost but nonetheless, still handsome.

"She's here right? I didnt drive for 4 hours for nothing?" He asks me. I nod and point upstairs. He immediately ran up the stairs, taking 3 steps at a time.