It was an encompassing pain I felt at the moment and it left me speechless, shocked in disbelief but most importantly-- hurt and unaware of how to proceed.
I just got home and each step that I take was like walking slowly on ember of fire which I actually started. Iam now taking all in the consequences of own actions. I know I should have been prevented this, but I have no control with my emotions. Kung sana... kung sana alam ko lang na magkakaganito. Sana mas pinigilan ko pa yung sarili ko. I should've held tighter on my own self. I should'nt break the walls that stood still between the two of us. Kung sana mas naging matatag ako, sana hindi ganito kasakit.
I reached the sofa exhalling all those painful air thats building up inside my lungs. Halos gumapang na ako sa sahig sa kawalan ko ng enerhiyang humakbang pa. My knees were trembling, with heavy breathing, tears were still coming out. Hindi ko alam kung may mas sasakit pa sa mga nalaman ko.
I felt the sudden blow of wind, making me slightly shiver from the cold. I folded my arms over my chest and began to rub my hands over my forearm to stay warm. But it has no use. It was like a scarf of cold wind is embracing me. I smiled and held my necklace knowing it was something else. Something that I missed.
I tightly closed my eyes and felt like the wind dries up my tears and embracing me tightly. I held on it a little bit more tighter and kissed it.
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"I miss you so much my baby..." I whispered pleadingly trying not to dug in with that arising pain.
There was nothing more soothing than this feeling. But still, a sudden pain clenched inside my chest at the thought of his face, and the sound of his playful tiny audible words ringing in my head... and realized I would never hear those little sounds anymore. I missed him. I missed my baby boy so much.
A tear escaped my eyes before I could blink it away. Narinig kong may tumigil na sasakyan sa harap ng bahay. Pinakiusapan ko kasi si Erik na siya na ang mag-uwi sa bata. I dont want Yzian to see me crying on my miserable life.
I still dont know how Erik nor Sarah is taking these all in. The door made a squek sound and I immediately saw Erik carrying Yzian in his arms and Sarah on his back following him. Kinuha naman agad ni Yaya Bell yung bata at dinala sa kwarto.
The room immediately filled with silence. Erik flopped his body against the sofa while Sarah just quietly sat beside Erik and looked down.
I dont know how to start to explain myself because their silence is killing me.
I was about to say something but Erik got in first.
