The One That Got Away

Chapter 45: The Aftermath

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Shin died with Yzian.

Shin could'nt pick up herself again after we lost Yzian. Namatayan ako ng anak at sa panahon na yon parang nawalan din ako ng asawa.

Hindi kumakain. Pinapabayaan ang sarili. She kept on pushing me away. She kept on blaming herself. Sinasaktan ang sarili and I didnt know how to deal with her because I, too, were grieving.

She was pregnant.

Dalawang buwan na pala yung bata. I found out that she's pregnant when one time I came home and found her passed out at our bathroom. And to top it all, she has mild leukemia.

Patong patong na problema. How can I fight with her when she wants to give up already?

Lalaban palang pero gusto na niyang sumuko.

Habang tumatagal, mas lalong humihirap yung sitwasyon namin. One time, I just caught her swallowing her medicines that is good for 3 weeks all at the same time.

Pinilit kong magpakatatag. Pinilit kong lumaban para sa asawa ko. Para sa ikabubuti ng mga anak ko.

"Shin, parang awa mo na, isipin mo naman yung mga anak natin o." I hold unto her arms when she tempted again to suicide.

"Sana namatay nalang ako, Ian kasi ang sakit sakit na dito." She started to cry while pointing in her heart.

"No baby please.. kailangan kita. Kailangan ka ng mga bata." I looked directly in her eyes while holding her tummy.

"How can I be grateful for this Ian?"

"Hon.. it was our baby. How can I not be grateful for a blessing?"

"Blessing? Is that what you call this? Believe me Ian, kukunin din niya ito. Kukunin din niya ito." She started hitting her tummy and I stopped her by hugging her tight. "Kukunin niya lang din ito!"

Ilang buwan pa ang nakalilipas at mas lumalala ang sitwasyon. Shin's leukemia progressed. She needed to transfuse blood every now and then to support her body for the babies' growth. Shin started to have massive hair loss. Purpura rashes and pale lips and skin. Nakakaawa. And whenever I looked into her eyes, all I see is pain and loneliness.

I even come to the point wherein I have to choose between my wife and the babies. Shin needs to undergo chemotherapy but she might loose the babies because of too much radiation. And chemotherapy is the last resort for Shin's case.

Ofcourse I wanted to save my wife, but how about the babies? Mahirap. Kung pwede ako nalang, wag na sila. 

But I have to choose only one

"Daddy! Daddy!" I came back to my senses when I heared Reese calling me from the 2nd floor.

"Yes love? Come on down please? Be careful no running on the stairs." I shouted back.

"Can I make tulog at Tita Jazz's condo? She said she will take me to watch a play. Can I go daddy? Pleaseee?" She put her palms together and pouted.

"Hmmnn. Let me think." I answered while putting my fingers at my chin.

"Daddy!!" She screamed.

"Ah A! No screaming!" Pabiro ko siyang pinagalitan.

She sat down on the couch and crossed her arms infront of her. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

I cant handle it anymore so I just burst in laughter because of her cuteness. "Ofcourse sweetheart you can go to tita jazz's condo! Anytime baby, if you want to." I slightly pinched her nose and hugged her tight.

"Basta wag everyday ha. Daddy wil be very sad." I let out a sad face. Which she immediately stretched to become a happy face again.

"Lablab dada!" She pinched my nose too and kissed my lips afterwards.

"Happy?" I asked.

"Reese is happy na! Thank you daddy!" She sweetly replied.

Hindi ko itinago sa pamilya ni Shin ang mga bata and I know hindi rin niya ito gugustuhin.

Minsan hinihiram nila yung mga bata para mag sleep over. Same as when maglalambing si mamita jo sa kanila.

I hope shin was happy about how our families unite together. How Reese and Hunter enjoyed their company.

"Daddy... do you still love my mommy?" Muntik na akong mabilaukan sa kapeng iniinom ko. Inilapag ko sa lamesa ang tasa saka kinandong si Hunter.

"Ofcourse.. your mommy will always have a place in my heart.. But sometimes in life,  we need to move forward and start a new life. New beginnings."

"Do we really need Tita Kat in our family dad?" I froze.

"...mmnn, sorry.. but were okay dad diba? I mean, you, me and reese. Momma, ate and kuya.. we are family, I just wish Mom was here though." And a tear escaped in his eyes.

"Diba nga sabi ni daddy.. Mom loved you so so much that she choose you to live.. instead of her."

"Will you marry tita kat?" He asked as he wiped away his tears.

"... hmmn yes. When you and Reese allowed me to." I smiled.

"Will that make you happy dad?" Seryoso niyang tanong. Hindi ko alam kung 4 years old ba talaga ang kausap ko o ano. He speak like a grown up man. 

Pero hindi ako nakasagot. I just hugged him and gave a kiss on his forehead.

"Get dressed buddy! Lolo E, will nearly come! I dont want my champ to be late for golf class!" I tickled him. I watch him run as fast as he could upstairs.

Mag dadalawang taon narin kami ni Kat. Behind everything that happened before, ay pinatawad ko na siya. Trixie and the her new baby flew to california with their dad at naiwan si Kat sa pilipinas. She was the one who understands me. She picked every broken pieces of me. The ring was ready. As soon as the kids will accept her, I'm going to marry her. Kahit matatagalan pa man iyon.

But... Am I ready?

Will my love for Kat vanished the love I have for shin?

Will I able to love her wholeheartedly the way she loved me?

Will the pain in my heart fades away?

O pinaniniwala ko lang ang sarili ko ko na kaya ko ng mag move on?

I know shin was happy now. And I too should make the biggest leap of faith in my life. Kat deserves nothing but love. But I dont want her to feel each and everyday of her life na pinipili ko nalang siya kasi siya nalang ang meron ako ngayon. Kailangang mabuo ulit yung sarili ko na nawasak sa mga nagdaan na taon. At magagawa ko lang iyon, if I move forward.. with her.

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Yung last paragraph lang yung true to life sa buong story na to. HAHAHHA CHAROTTT