The One That Got Away

Chapter 46: Rain

Maybe it’s the rain but I’m feeling more emotional today compared to other days.

Memories of yzian’s last few hours came flashing back and I found myself staring blankly while playing with reese and hunter asked “dad, why are you looking like that?”

I remember and wondered what happened. A few seconds after hearing that nerve wreaking flat line throughout the room and shin's sobs got louder and her doctors and nurses discussing about what is happening to her body. Nakakapanghina. But i have to be the stronger person to keep my arms intact to hold shin because she, too almost fainted.

"Yzian breathe!!! You have to breathe anak! Do you hear mommy? Breathe anak" this scene kept repeatedly ringing in my head.

Having mixed emotions trying to still have composure and kind but at the same time confused as to why the doctors didn't expect that this would come.

Some would say to stop going back to what was and move forward but there are times when I need to revisit, process what happened, purge out pain or anger that may not have been resolved and conclude to the truth that nothing is an accident. That everything is predetermined.

To not cover up pain but to purge it out and replace it with peace and assurance that the pain no longer stays lives but is replaced with indescribable joy in Christ and so must I live with that same joy.

To purge out emotions, process and replace it with the truth.

4 years have been passed, but grief is still an everyday process.

**Ting!

"Can I see the twins, Ian?"

I almost lost the air that I'm breathing when a beeped on my phone and this popped up.

I instantly felt a heat in my chest and burned in my eyes. I took every ounce of strength to swallow the lump in my throat and redirecting my eyes so it won't fill with tears.

"Oz can take the twins. Last cycle of chemotherapy.. I want to see them just in case you know.. I can't survive. Ako na mag-eexplain sa kanila :)" And another one popped in.

The twins didn't know their mom is still alive. All they knew is that Shin died when she gave birth to them. Well... It almost.

We almost lost her.

After the twins came out via cesarian section, she's at hypovolemic state. The doctors can't stabize her body. She passed out and the doctors revived as. And it was too painful to see. You lost your child and now you're about to loose your wife..

"Daddd!" I came back to my senses when Reese snapping her fingers in my face.

"Ohh.. hi" I instantly replied.

"Dad Naman eh. Dami ko ng salita pero dika naman kinig sa akin. Hmmp." She pouted her lips and crossed her arms.

I hugged her tight and kissed her cheek. "Tampo Naman baby Reese ko. Sorry na po."

She pinched my nose and kissed my cheek. "Ok pows".

"Look at daddy." Seryoso kong tugon.

Kunot noo siyang tumingin sa akin. "Can you go with daddy?"

"Hmmn...where?" Agad Naman niyang sagot.

"Play date at mcdo?" I tried to lied and not quite sure if I was able to witness what will about to happen today.

"Fries and sundae?!" Reese' eyes pooped in.
"Chicken nuggets?!" Tuloy tuloy na salita ni reese.

"Hashbrowns and pancakes?!" Hunter butted in. I moved my brows up and down and nood my head vigorously.

"Only if!!!" I paused. Agad Naman kumunot Ang noo ni reese sa akin.

"..My little baby girl decide what to wear in just one change!" Reese immediately crossed her arms and pouted.

Hunter and I laughed at her cuteness.
"Nagmana ka Talaga sa pinagmanahan mo" I said to myself.

"Common reese, I'll help you choose." Umakbay si hunter Kay reese at iginaya Siya sa pinto papunta sa kwarto Niya.

"See you in an hour kids!" I shouted back as I heard the door closed.

I picked up the toys scattered on the floor and I realized I almost forgot to respond to shins text messages.

"Please tell Oz no need to come here. I will drive the kids nalang. 1 favor please. Is it okay sa mcdo nalang muna malapit sa inyo Tayo mag meet? Just to start up their mood. Yun kase sinabi kong pupuntahan namin eh. Hehe if that's okay with you" I typed in.

Shin's family knows and met the twins. And they know too that they are their mommy's family. Pero hindi sila madalas nagkikita since they are busy din with their own lives and shin doesn't want the twins question more about her.

I immediately got a replied from her. "No problem.. thanks Ian ha. I owe you bigtime. See you guys later :)"

"No worries :) See you!" I texted her back and went back cleaning up the toys before entering my room and get showered too.

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How's everyone? :)
This was inspired by feliz lucas' FB post earlier hahaha