Just cuts.. ✔️

31 | Exams

The next couple of days didn't go well at all. I spent all day trying to revise but ended up getting stressed out and wanting death to happen. When I revise but thoughts gets to me.
I want to do well and have a good life but that's hard to get when all your mind tells you is that you are stupid and you can't do anything.

I get to that point in life when I want to do what I've done in my past but when you know how people will react makes it worst but stops me from doing it.

"Ughhhhhhhh." I groaned as I lay back on my chair. My head hurt from revising. Why didn't I start earlier?

'Ughhhhhhh I'll never be able to do anything in life if I don't pass these exams. I just wish I was smart and could actually succeed in life but noooo I'm penny. The girl who can't do anything and has no social life.' The voice came back when I started revising. I can't get rid of it easily.

~~
After a while after studying I gave up and just sat on my bed watching the ceiling. I grabbed my phone and clicked on Craig's name. I felt like shit right now and just wanted to talk to someone about it.

'Sorry I can't take your call right now, I'm probably off doing something. Calm back later.' Craig's voice came through the phone but it was just a stupid recording.

I sighed and throw my phone back on my bed. If I can't talk to anyone the temptation will just grow. I hovered over Ed's name but then remembered he's away visiting his sister and probably doesn't want to hear from me and I don't want to ruin his time with her. So I just decided to text Craig and hopefully he'll see it and ring me back.

P: hey Craig, umm whatever you can could you ring me back?
P: I'm sorry but I feel like shit and just wanna talk. Sorry, thanks

The next day

I never did get a reply back from Craig. I don't know why because he's usually always on his phone but yet he didn't reply to me.

I walked into school with my revision notes filling my bag up and making it heavier. The whole school was quiet when I walked in. Most people were trying to push in last minute revision remembering me that I will fail all mine. I walked down the corridor until I saw Craig at his locker.

"Hey! Craig!" I shouted up to him. He turned around with a shock expression on his face when he saw me running up to him.

"Oh hi Penny." He slightly smiled.

"Where were you yesterday? You didn't answer my call or texts." I asked curiously.

"Oh sorry I was out with Amy." That's when my heart sunk and my smile disappeared.
"Wow. You look like you had no sleep?"

"No shit." I said getting a bit annoyed at the fact him and Amy are dating. Why would he go with a bitch like her?

"Wow. Sorreh." He slammed his locker shut as he throw his bag over his pack.
"See you in class." Craig started walking off.

Well that's the first. We usually always spend morning, break and lunch together. He was her only friend. Did he get pissed at me?

I shook the thought away as I lazily walked towards my first class.

*Exam Time*

Everyone was lining up outside the hall for the exam. I stared shaking anxious as I looked around me for Craig. I couldn't take the pressure. Everything was getting to me. Everyone looked quite nervous but none of them were shaking and about to have a breakdown. I started breathing heavily as I pushed my way to the back of the line so no one could see me.
I needed Craig at this minute but he was no where to be seen. He was taking this exam too so I don't know why he would be late? I quickly took my phone out and started typing.

P: where r u!? The exam is about to start. Hurry tf up.

C: Oh crap, I'm coming now. I got distracted

P: how did u get distracted!?? This is a really important exam

C: Ino Ino, I was with Amy

P: pls hurry.

Penny was worried about Craig but the last text was about her. Yet he probably couldn't tell but she needed him by her to help her with her anxiety.

After around 5 minutes I saw Craig running towards the hall as everyone started to go in.

"Hey." He said out of breath as he lined up before me. He looked up at me but I didn't let him see my anxious and tearful eyes.

"Everyone in!" Shouted a teacher.

I took my seat as I anxiously started playing with my fingersa . I looked over at Craig who put his phone up at me as I gave a small smile as I looked down.

*****

I ran out of the hall faster than anyone else. I wanted out of that hell. I can't believe Craig didn't notice who anxious I was before it. He usually notices. He usually does a lot of things but recently wasn't. What happened to him?

I immediately ran to the bathroom where I tired calming myself down.

"Oh my god. You failed that. Because you're not smart like everyone else. You can't do anything to save you're life. Just give up. Everyone will be happy including you."  I literally gave out a small scream. The voice wouldn't go away! Why is it back!? I can't deal with it!

~~~~~~~~~~

Okay that was kinda a filler because I don't know what's going on right now and this is boring sorry.

❤️❤️❤️
~ 07/07/17