Just cuts.. ✔️

20 | It's Time

You know that moment in life when you just want everything bad to happen to you.... yea I've had that feelings since I was 7 I always thought it was fun to get tortured but it's not... but I want it to happen. I want someone to take all their problems out on me so I can feel something and that's why I think I don't go to the police about Jim. It's the only time I can feel.

*****

I want down the foot path towards school as rain came tumbling down on top of me. My hair was soaking wet covering my face not wanting to be seen by the world. Everyone sees me as a that fucking freak who's always alone. There's rumors like every school has. Some about the popular people, nerds, bullies, bitches, the rebels and even me.

Some people have have ideas about me that are right. About me being a depressed bitch who wants attention... but how can that bit be true if I tell no one??
Can they see my scars? My pain?

As I arrived to school I felt eyes being laid on me as I walked through the doors. I haven't been in school in about 2 weeks or even more, so everyone's probably wondering why I've suddenly appeared back. Well that's my secret.

I wondered down to my locker opening it to see a letter fall out. My eyes widen as people behind me chuckled. I slowly bender down and lifted it up to see my name written on the front in messy writing. I ripped the envelope open and took out the piece of paper to reveal a photo. Not any kind of photo but a picture of me.... in the bathroom stalls... balling my eyes out.

I immediately turned around seeing people staring at my bright red tomato face. They knew what this was. I started panicking as I quickly slammed my locker door after grabbing my books and running off. I gripped my Books tightly as I ran, Struggling to breathe I ran through the school. Usually I would run to the bathrooms but I can't trust anyone in there. It could happen again. My whole body was warm as embarrassment took over me. I've been bullied my whole life but I still can't deal with it. No one can deal with the abuse I get. How can people be so happy sometimes?

As I ran down the corridors I wasn't looking where I was going and ended up on the floor. I fell straight on my face as I looked up from the cold ground and saw my science teacher Miss Glee.

"Oh my gosh! Are you ok?" luckily for me Miss Glee is the nicest teacher in school so she didn't get mad at me.

"Yea I'm sorry." I said gathering up my shattered books from the ground.

"Your alright. You ok? Were you crying?" she bent down to help me. My eyes most be bright red from crying right now. My tears flooded my eyes as I ran away but unfortunately I couldn't run away from reality.

"Ah no no, something was in my eye and it hurt like hell and thien I was going to be late for..." I started to think of an excuse as it was still lunch. "Choir." I lied.

"You want to come with me? You can talk to me and if not with me then please a family member or friend." Her caring words struck me as I looked shocked at her. I didn't have anyone to talk to... I guess Craig maybe... but can I trust another person without getting hurt?

"Yea I'll talk to someone." I quickly said as I was about to walk away.

"You're not going to are you?" I froze in my path as I slowly turned around and shook my head.

"I can't miss.... I'll talk to my friend Craig when I see him. He knows whats happening with me." I sighed not making eye contact. I stared at the ground

"Good thank you. Please come if you need anything OK?" I slowly nodded my head as she sounded really concerned about me. I keep looking at the ground until I heard her walking away I quickly made my escape. For the door.

*******

Her words stuck to me. Maybe I should talk to someone and get whatever off my chest. I needed to. Not just for me but for the people I'm around before I explored and take my anger out of them.

As I skied  off school I decided to go to the cliff my dad took me to when I was two. We just talked, played and ate there. It couldn't of been any better.
I walked up the cliff realizing how dangerous it was for a two year old. My dad was a rebel. He didn't play by the rules.

I walked to the edge and sat there danging my feet over the cold water below me.
"What's up?" I said casually. "It's weird speaking to you here. It's usually at your restaurantc."
"How far to you think I run away before dying?"

"Who am I kidding? I'm acting like I'm fine. IM NOT! I NEVER WILL BE!" Water fowhrmed in my eyes. "I'm never going to be the happy person I use to be... I've began so depressed now. I can't help what I do.." An idea popped into my head. "I'll join you soon Dad. Just give me time." I smiled to myself as I happily lay back and started up at the clouds.
"I just need a couple of days to say goodbye first."

People won't understand what I'm going to do soon. No one does. I was so close to it the other day but I went for help.. for what though? To be stuck in this crappy life with no one who gives a crap about you. I might as well die. Who will care? I won't change anything in this world if I leave. People will be a lot more happy if I was gone. No one wants to be alive. If I go I'll save a lot more people about worrying or having to deal with me. I will die one day might as well die young....

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HEY WAZZUP! Ok so this was going to happen for a while now and it was about to happen but I changed my mind but now it's time. I want her 2 minds to come back bc they're been gone for awhile xD

Thanks for reading
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