Saudade (Joshler)

🥀fifteen🥀

Josh sat criss cross on his bed, looking down at the tray the nurse had given to him. Josh hadn't eaten a single thing, though, only played with it. He wasn't hungry, he was too lost in his mind, thinking about his visit with Tyler.

He wished it was a horrible nightmare, but he knew it was reality. Josh sighed, placing the tray on the stand next to the bed. He looked out the window and ran a hand through his messy curls.

Josh jumped slightly when the door opened. He turned to see Brendon smiling at him. Josh tried to smile back, but failed. Brendon sighed, closing the door behind him. "How are you feeling?"

Josh shrugged, "been better."

Brendon nodded and sat next to josh. Josh laid his head on Brendon's shoulder and Brendon wrapped an arm around Josh's waste, hugging him. They sat like that for a while, not saying a thing. Brendon was just glad to have his best friend back, he didn't need words.

Josh broke the silence with a whisper, "he visited me."

Brendon raised an eyebrow, "who, Tyler?" Josh nodded and Brendon grinned, "josh, that's great-"

"no, it's not."

Brendon frowned in confusion, "oh...uh, why? I thought you wanted to see him?"

Josh broke into tears, alarming Brendon that something bad happened. Brendon immediately wrapped his arms around josh, letting his friend cry into his shoulder. It broke Brendon's heart to see josh break down like this.

Josh rarely cried and he was such a happy person. Josh raised his head, tears streaming down his damp cheeks, "h-he doesn't love me anymore." Josh let out a hiccup from how hard he was crying, "why di-id this have to happen?"

Brendon sighed, grabbing Josh's hand soothingly, "sometimes things don't work out the ways we want, and sometimes it can really hurt."

Josh shook his head, "but I don't understand why this is happening? Why doesn't he love me anymore?"

Brendon smiled sadly, "Tyler's been through a lot, mentally. It's done a lot of damage to him."

Josh's lip quivered, the tears finally coming to an end, "is it my fault?"

Brendon shook his head with wide eyes, "hell no, and he knows it's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault, sometimes our demons just get the best of us."

Josh frowned, "but why would he let them win? That's not like Tyler, he's always been a fighter."

Brendon gulped, "you can only fight for so long, josh. Tyler fought for a very long time. He finally ran out of his will power to fight back."

Josh shook his head, not wanting to believe what Brendon was saying, "no, I know he still has the fight power he needs. I just know it, maybe he needs a push or something. I know my Tyler."

Brendon couldn't help but smile, "you really believe in him."

Josh nodded, "why wouldn't I? I love him."

Brendon raised an eyebrow, "even if he doesn't love you back?"

Josh bit his lip, nodding again, "I'll always love him."

Brendon smiled, "then maybe you can be that push he needs."

Both of the boys turned their head to the door when there was a knock. It opened slowly and Tyler peaked his head through. He bit his lip, "oh, I can come back later."

Brendon shook his head, "nah, it's fine. I'm gonna get going, josh. See you around."

Josh waved as Brendon left, leaving the old couple in an awkward silence. Tyler stepped forward, "uh, I just came to see how you were doing..." josh nodded and Typer frowned, "have you been crying?"

Josh wiped his eyes, shaking his head, "no I haven't."

Tyler sat next to josh, keeping a distance between the two, "yes you have. Is there something wrong?" Josh was about to make an excuse, but Tyler didn't let him, "was it because of me?"

Josh studied Tyler's face. It was blank of emotions, but his eyes showed worry. Josh smiled, "I'm fine, Tyler."

Tyler nodded and looked at the floor. He startled when he felt the pad of Josh's thumb brush across his bruise, "did you have this last time you came?"

Tyler nodded, "ya."

Tyler glanced up to see josh was much more closer now. Tyler scooted away slightly, not liking the close proximity. Josh turned to hide the hurt on his face, but Tyler saw it. "Sorry," he muttered.

Josh shook his head, "n-no, its fine...I understand. So how did you get the bruise?"

Tyler let out a nervous laugh, "I got in a fight."

Josh nodded. Hayley had told josh about Tyler's new found anger issues, and how he easily got into fights. Josh's eyebrows furrowed together, "what happened?"

Tyler shrugged, "uh, this guy was just picking on a girl. I just kinda stepped in and...ya." Josh couldn't help but smile. He knew there was still the old Tyler somewhere. Tyler stood up, "uh, I should go. I'm glad your doing well..."

josh nodded, finding it hard to swallow as Tyler walked towards the door. Josh let out a frantic call, "wait."

Tyler turned around, a questioning look on his face. Josh stood up with shaky legs, wincing slightly in pain. He walked up to Tyler and tightly wrapped his arms around Tyler. Josh let out a a sigh, forcing himself not to burst into tears as Tyler didn't hug back.

Josh finally let go and Tyler let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He wish he would've hugged back, because the look on Josh's face ripped his heart into two. Tyler gulped, "I'll go now." Tyler grabbed the door handle and began to open it.

"I love you," josh said aloud.

He didn't mean to, he just couldn't help it. Tyler didn't turn around, tears stinging his eyes. He didn't want josh to see him cry, he didn't want josh to see that he loved him too. Tyler let out a shaky breath, leaving without saying another word.

Josh stood there for a while, just watching the door. He kind of hoped hat Tyler came bursting back through, saying he loved him too. But josh knew that wouldn't happen, but that didn't stop him from wishing it did. Josh finally snapped out of his dazed dun sat down on the bed. He broke into another set of tears, not being able to hold it back anymore.

Guys guys, so I don't really watch Shane Dawson on YouTube. But I saw his reaction video to Taney one pilots and I almost pissed myself form laughter. Oh my god he was all like I wonder what their fandom is called and he said twenty one passengers and ahhhh.

I went through the comments and so many people were triggered!!!! Lollll. Twenty one pilots is my all time favorite band, but I still thought it was funny. Cos in his defense he didn't really know who they were yet. But STILL IT WAS HILARIOUS!!!! Alright, hope you enjoyed the chapter!! Byeeeee

-JoJo
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