Saudade (Joshler)

🥀thirty-seven🥀

The beginning is in italics because it's a flashback. The flashback is triggering. It involves Jacoby and that's enough said. The whole chapter is triggering because there is a trigger warning of self harm.

Tyler sat on the couch, a controller in his hand. Madison sat next to him, cheering him on. "Come on, Tyler! You can do this!" Tyler grinned as he passed another car. The tv suddenly shut off and Tyler's eyes widened. Jay, his baby brother sat next to the gaming console.

Tyler frowned, "Jay! I was just about to win!"

Zach smiled, walking up to Jay and picking the two year old up, "chill, Tyler. He's only a baby."

Tyler couldn't help but smile, "I know."

Zach snorted, "besides, you win every time."

Tyler grinned in triumph, "I know."

Kelly walked downstairs and Chris came behind her. Kelly came up and kissed each kid on the cheek, "you guys behave. Jacoby will be here soon, ok?"

All the kids nodded their heads, giving their father a hug. The parents waved as they left the house. Not long after, the front door opened and Jacoby hollered for them. They all ran to the doorway, hugging Jacoby. Tyler smiled up at the seventeen year old, "hi, Jacoby!"

Jacoby grinned, ruffling Tyler's hair, "hey, Ty."

Jacoby grabbed Jay from Zach, and they all followed him into the living room. Tyler sat in the couch and Jacoby sat next to the twelve year old boy. An hour passed and Jay was in his room for a nap. Zach and Madison sat on the floor playing checkers. Jacoby nudged Tyler, "hey, Ty. Do you wanna go for a walk? It's a nice day out."

Tyler grinned, "sure."

The two stood up and Jacoby turned to Zach, "use the home phone to call my phone if Jay wakes up. Will you two be ok?"

Zach nodded, "ya, we'll be fine."

Jacoby nodded and Tyler walked outside with him. Tyler held up his hand and Jacoby grabbed it. The two walked down the road and to an area Tyler had never been in the neighborhood. Tyler's eyebrows furrowed, "I've never been over here before?"

Jacoby smiled and stopped in front of a house, "here we are."

Tyler looked at the house, "whose house is this?"

Jacoby began leading the boy towards the house, "mine."

Tyler nodded, "oh. Why are we here?"

Jacoby glanced down at Tyler, " I have a surprise for you, Ty."

Tyler grinned, "really?"

Jacoby nodded, "yes, I do." Jacoby held the door open for Tyler an styler thanked him. Jacoby slowly shut the door behind him, smirking down at Tyler.

---

Jacoby held onto Tyler's hand as they walked back to Tyler's house. Tyler's feet dragged, barely being able to lift. He stared off into space as they walked back. "Remember what I said, Ty? It's a secret, if you tell anyone something really bad will happen." Tyler nodded almost as if he was a robot.

They walked back into the house and Zach smiled at them. "Hey, guys. That was a long walk."

Jacoby smiled, "ya, we got distracted. Is everything good?"

Zach nodded and looked at Tyler, who's face was completely blank, "Tyler, are you ok?"

Jacoby barely nudged Tyler and Tyler smiled as if everything was normal, "ya." Zach nodded and walked back into the living room. The door opened and Kelly and chris walked in.

Kelly grinned, "Tyler! Did you have fun with Jacoby today?"

Tyler forced another smile, "ya, it was fun. We went for a walk."

Tyler almost felt weird at how he was able to act so normal on the outside. Kelly picked Tyler up and Tyler flinched slightly. Chris shook Jacoby's hand, "thank you, Jacoby, your always so good with the kids."

Jacoby nodded with a smile, "no problem, Mr. Joseph. Call me anything you need a babysitter." Chris nodded and Jacoby grinned at Tyler, "see you later, Ty." Jacoby winked at him before leaving.

Tyler gulped, "bye..."

Tyler sat up straight with tears rolling down his cheeks. He patted heavily, trying to catch his breath. His skin felt like it was burning and Tyler frantically scratched at it. Tyler kicked the blanket off of him, scrambling or of the bed. He stumbled to the bathroom, careful not to wave up josh.

He shut the door and let out a sob. He looked into the mirror and let out a yelp. He saw Jacoby standing behind him. Tyler spun around, only to see that it was just his head messing with him. He could hear Jacoby's disgusting laugh playing on rewind in his head.

Tyler began shakily searching all the drawers in the bathroom. He let out another sob and searched more frantically. Tyler finally found what he needed, letting out a sigh of relief. Tyler leaned against the wall, sliding down it. He let out a shaky breath, forcing the tears to stop.

He looked down at his wrists. All the scars were completely healed. Tyler shakily brought the razor to his skin. Cutting three lines horizontally. He gulped, his breath picking up. He let his wrist bleed for a few moments before standing up and walking to the sink. He made sure he didn't get any blood on the floor. He turned on the faucet and startled when the door opened.

Josh stared at Tyler with wide eyes, "t-Tyler?"

Tyler didn't answer back and Josh walked up to him. Josh ignored the tears that began to fall down his cheeks as he helped Tyler clean up his wrist. Tyler winced at the cold water hit his throbbing arm. "I'm sorry," Tyler croaked out.

Josh didn't answer back, to focused on bandaging Tyler's arm. Once he finished he walked out and Tyler followed, "josh?" Josh sat on the bed and covered his face in his hands. Tyler let out a sob, "I'm sorry, josh. I-"

Tyler was cut off by josh coming up to him, kissing him. He pulled away and whispered, "stop." Tyler gulped and josh rested his forehead against Tyler's, "stop doing this to yourself."

Tyler shook his head, "I cant."

Josh cupped Tyler's cheeks, "you can. You were doing so good. What happened?"

Tyler's lip quivered, "j-Jacoby's...he-"

"was put in jail. He's gone."

Tyler buried his head in his hands, "no he's not."

Josh furrowed his eyebrows, "what do you mean?"

Tyler looked at josh and leg out a cry, "he's still in my head. Every time I close my eyes I see him. I see that same sinister smirk. I can hear his voice everywhere I go. He is not gone."

Josh used his thumbs to wiped the tears off of Tyler's cheeks. He smiled sadly and spoke in a whisper, "it's not real. It's all in your head."

Tyler let out a loud sob, "but that makes all of this even worse. It's in my head, I can't get away from it."

Josh grabbed Tyler's hand, pulling him back to the bed. Josh laid down and Tyler curled against shape side. Josh kissed Tyler's forehead, "we'll get through this. I'll be right by your side the whole way."

Omg have you guys seen the new animated short film? It's called in a heart beat. It's soooo cute. If you haven't seen it you really should. It's about a gay boy and his crush. Waaatch iiiiit you won't regreeet iiiit.

Ok, whale, hope you have a nice day!! Byyeeeeee

-JoJo
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