REDAMANCY

One

Chapter One
—
Induratize
(v.) to make one's own heart hardened
and resistant to someone's advances,
or to the idea of love.
—

If he were granted one wish, Jimin would choose to erase everything that happened over winter break from its painful existence.

He sat on his bed in his small room, facing the boring gray wall, deeply immersed within his thoughts. A plate of uneaten food sat on the nightstand, accompanied by an untouched coffee mug.

He held a small photo in his hand, one that had captured his first memory with the person who taught him what love was. From a distance, the picture looked normal, like two guys smiling at each other and having a good time. But close up, you could see how deep their love ran.

He smiled, but it wasn't a happy smile. It was a sad smile, full of pain, and wildly vivid memories that still filled his mind from dawn to dusk.

"Jimin."

His door creaked open and his mother appeared.

"I'm going to work now," She told him for the fifth time that week. "Please eat something today."

Click. The door closed and he was alone again in his own thoughts. The morning was too cold for March, but Jimin wasn't cold. At least not on the outside.

He set the photo down on his nightstand and laid back, staring at his wall clock, listening to the boring and rhythmic ticking.

The screeching sound of the approaching train made Jimin's ears ring. He faced Dae-hyun on the platform, a firm hand gripped on the older's arm.

"You have to believe me." He pleaded. "We can work it out, like we always do."

"That time is long gone." Dae-hyun said, shoving Jimin back, his voice hostile. "Besides, I've already found someone new. So fuck off and don't ever show your face here again."

The train came to a screeching halt and the doors slid open. People filed out. Jimin pitched forwards.

"Dae-hyun, you can't go!" He cried, his vision blurring with tears. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because you mean nothing to me anymore." Dae-hyun said without hesitation, picking up his suitcase. He gave Jimin one last look. It wasn't regretful, pained, or even sympathetic. It was full of pure malice and hatred. Then he turned and got onto the train. Jimin felt his heart shatter into millions of pieces. In the moment, he shut his eyes.

Maybe if he reached far enough, he could prevent the train from moving, get Dae-hyun back, and go home. Maybe it was just a nightmare, or something he had conjured in his mind. It wasn't real.

But it was real, and when he opened his eyes, the doors slid shut and the train sped off, before he could even register what was happening.

Jimin sat up too quickly, sending a wave of nausea through him. His heart was pounding and tears were threatening to fall.

So he let them. As he always did.

—

"Your total is 7,261 won." The cashier said monotonously.

Jimin handed him a wad of cash, grabbed the bag and muttered, "Keep the change."

The cold air hit him in the face as he left the convenience store. He hardly bothered to look both ways before crossing the street now. If a car hit him, it might be a better way for people to remember him than for him be known for taking his own life.

But no cars came, and he was left with whatever his lifespan consisted of.

When he got home, he immediately went up to his room and dumped out the bag's contents on his bed. A lighter, an envelop, and a blank card.

"Perfect." He murmured, laying down beside the items. This was everything he needed.

"The person you are trying to reach is currently unavailable. Press '9' if you wish to leave a message."

Jimin swore and chucked his phone across the room, watching it hit the opposite wall, leaving a slight mark. It was no use. Dae-hyun was gone for good.

So what had gone wrong? Jimin wondered. They'd fought many times before, but Dae-hyun was always willing to resolve. Had the fights taken their toll on him? It was no use stressing over it now, what could be done about it?

Jimin woke, blinking as his eyes as he adjusted to the darkness. He checked his phone and it read 11:56pm. Another day gone to waste.

Oh well. Jimin thought. It's not like I had anything important to do.

—

1 new message from K.Tae • open

K.Tae: Jiminnn we need to hang out asap

"what's up" Jimin typed his reply.

K.Tae: LOTS. Please stop skipping school I'm so lonely without you!

Jimin smiled. Taehyung had been his first true, best friend since elementary, and was the only person Jimin felt he could openly talk to. Coming out to Tae had been the scariest thing Jimin had ever done, but it seemed that it was all the more reason Tae felt compelled to defend and protect Jimin, to which the latter appreciated greatly.

Jimin shut off his phone and laid back.

Love is over. He thought. I need to stop harping on winter break and focus on finishing this school year. Tae's right, I need to stop skipping.

He wondered how long he would be able to keep this motivated facade up before it grew too much. Sometimes it was easier to stop trying to be happy. He'd learned that the past couple months.

His phone buzzed again.

1 new message from K.Tae • open

K.Tae: You'll find someone better soon. Stop dwelling on winter break.

Taehyung knew him too well. Jimin shut off his phone once again and closed his eyes.

You'll find someone better soon.

Jimin sighed.

But what if I don't want to find someone?

—

A/N:
Hi, and thanks for reading the
first chapter of this Yoonmin fic!
I hope it wasn't written too poorly?¿