REDAMANCY

Thirty Three

Thirty Three
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Torimodosu
(v.) To get back up and
recover after a loss in life
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"You first." Jimin said firmly, his hands laced behind his back. The silence that followed was the rhythmic ticking of the wall clock, the shuffling of file papers, and the key clicks as the other officers worked.

Finally Daehyun shifted away from Jimin's support to stand on his own. He looked older now, more mature and cold. Jimin wondered what struggles he'd encountered since they'd broken up- if any.

Daehyun spoke. "I wanted to tell you that I really did love you."

Jimin laughed slightly. "You think this will sway me? Just because I want to move on from the situation doesn't mean I'll forgive you."

"I'm not trying to sway you!" Daehyun protested. "For once."

"Tell me," Jimin said. "Why did you take interest in me— did someone make you? Don't lie to me."

"I... well Yoongi told me I never noticed you beforehand. That was false. I knew who you were."

"Then what led you to be interested in me?"

"Well," Daehyun rubbed the back of his neck. "I thought you were cute. Yes, the thought of sex did cross my mind. At the time I was immature and uncomfortable with my sexuality. I wanted something- no someone to ease that. Then I saw your drawings and I was impressed. You have such a knack for art. I was excited when you said you'd draw me. I didn't think about anything other than spending time with you. You're talented."

"But you had talented guy friends your age. Surely you could've just..."

"No. They had girlfriends. But even their girlfriends would try to advance on me. I wasn't interested."

"What were the things you said to Yoongi about me in the bathroom?"

"I snapped." Daehyun confessed. "I didn't want to have sex with you because you were a minor. I was in love with you, and you happen to... be physically appealing as well."

"Oh..."

"Listen, I can't help what I'm into. Like I said to you that one time, I've got kinks and I got impatient. It kinda took over when you were drunk that night... you let me go that far, I found it irritating when you suddenly stopped me. I felt betrayed too- you didn't trust me."

"It wasn't about trust." Jimin shook his head. "Daehyun, I trusted you with all my heart. But... I wasn't ready at that time. You wouldn't understand. Plus it was illegal."

"I know it was illegal..." The older looked down. "I thought if we didn't say anything... well you know how it goes. You have to believe that anyone in an age-gap relationship does illegal things."

"You lost your virginity at a party. It was so trivial and insignificant to you." Jimin said. "But to me, it's more. I want to be absolutely sure of what I'm doing. I don't want it to be something I regret either."

"Then... you'd rather do it with Yoongi?"

Jimin choked. "What?!"

"You'd rather Yoongi be your first then?"

"Well uh." Jimin was at a loss for words. He quickly glanced behind him to make sure Yoongi hadn't heard but the older seemed to be detached from the world. Thank goodness.  "I-I hadn't really given that much thought."

"Tell me," Daehyun leaned close. "What is it about Yoongi? As far as I know, he's got nothing. He's older than me. Would you have let him continue had it been him instead of me that night?"