Learning to Live Again (A Josh Ramsay Fan fiction)

Chapter Ten:

“Hey Josh, shit man, let’s go!  We have to get shit done!”  I heard someone yell from behind us.  Josh smiled at me, grabbed my hand and started walking towards the voice.

I started to talk myself up, saying ‘Ok Jordan, just relax, breath, don’t freak out.  You meet new people every day, you stand up in front of a group of criminals every day and teach them how to make better choices and control their emotions, why can’t you do it?  Why can’t you just breathe, and relax.  Give it a couple hours, and then you can go home.  What is the worst that could happen?’  Feeling a little more confident in myself, I allowed Josh to lead me and introduce me to everyone.

“About time man.  Where the hell were you?  We have to do a sound check.  And who is this?” Someone asked looking at me inquisitively.

“Relax Mike, we got lots of time.  And she is the reason I am not even later, she also saved me from this huge biker dude!” He joked.

“Seriously, dude, what happened” Mike, seemed a little concerned at this point, but Josh told him the story about how we met and Mike just laughed.

“Well it is great to meet you Jordan; any saviour of Ramsay here is good in my books.”  He smiled and laughed, pulling me in for a hug.

Josh introduced me to everyone else, before he said he had to go do the sound check.  They all seem really nice, asking me questions about what happened today and not believing that I work with criminals in the community.  The common response was “but you are so small, aren’t you scared.”  I have had to deal with those types of questions since I started the job.  All I tell them, “No matter your size, if they want to hurt you, you are screwed!  So, always be aware of your surroundings, watch their body language, and if in doubt, cancel your appointments with them.  Especially if they come to see you drunk or high.  Safety is taken very seriously, and if I am not comfortable, the session is cancelled.  Luckily, again, knock on wood, this has not happened to me.”

They all seemed so intrigued by my job and asked if I have worked with various high-profile criminals, Clifford Olsen, Paul Bernardo, “The Colonel”, Robert Pickton, sadly and to their disappointment, I have not worked with these men.  I told them, although on occasion I may work with some high-profile offenders, the majority are more low level first time offenders.  The girls told me about how they all met, how the tour was going, and the challenges of being with a musician.  They all seemed really down to earth and fun!  I couldn’t believe I was having such a good time.  After chatting for a while, I needed to use the washroom, and the girls pointed me in the direction.  As I was headed back from the washroom, I could hear Josh talking to someone.  I know I shouldn’t be listening, but I also didn’t want to walk past them in case they saw me and thought that I was listening.

“She is gorgeous, and so smart.  I cannot believe what she does for a living, fucking works with murderers and rapists!  Did I tell you, she used to be a guard too, at fucking Kingston Penitentiary!  Isn’t that where the worst of the worst went?”

I smiled, thinking to myself, ‘if they only knew what it was really like, it isn’t that amazing, I went home smelling like, well prison!  Imagine, open cells, men shitty with no privacy, various foods made on the range, various bodily fluids thrown on the range, no A/C in the summer.  I’m not that smart, if I was, I wouldn’t have been a guard for as long as I was!’

Josh continued, “Damn, I don’t know that much about her, but I do want to know more.  She is so horribly sarcastic, I love it.  I think she would definitely keep me on my toes.  The only problem,” he said in a harsh tone, which was defiantly not as compassionate as he had been up to this point, “she is still hung up on dealing with her husband’s death.  I know it has only been 8 months, but shit, it has been 8 months, life does go on!”

I could not believe what I just heard, my heart sunk, I thought he understood.  I could feel my face burn, and my eyes starting to well up.  ‘No’ I told myself and willed the tears to dry.  ‘I will not cry for this, for him, what the hell does he know?  Nothing.  IT IS NOT WORTH IT!  I am tired of everyone’s pity and being on someone else’s time table, they can all go to hell.  God I miss you Rick, life was not this hard with you by my side.’  With that thought, I turned the corner towards Josh, glared at him, and left the building. 

“Oh fuck!  Jordan wait, just hold on a minute!”  I heard Josh say, but I didn’t stop, as soon as I walked through the back door or the building, I started running towards my car.