Learning to Live Again (A Josh Ramsay Fan fiction)

Chapter Fourteen:

A/N: So I decided to put in some other points of view, hope you like it!

Josh’s POV:

As soon as Jordan was asleep, I closed the curtain to the bunk and left the bus.  I really don’t want her to leave just yet.  We are only in Toronto for a couple more days, and I just want to get to know her better.  I hope she feels better soon.  I headed back to the arena, went to the dressing room and had a quick shower, before meeting with our fans.  It was a normal meet and greet, lots of girls screaming and asking for photos and autographs.  I was in such a good mood, that I didn’t even mind that we hung out with the fans for 2 hours.  We sang a couple songs for them, and goofed around a lot, but when they started to head out, I couldn’t wait to go see how Jordan was feeling. 

Jordan’s POV:

I woke up about an hour after Josh left, and although the pain from my migraine was a little better, it was still pounding.  It felt like my head was in a vice, putting constant pressure on my temples.  I just felt nauseous.  ‘I need to go home’ I thought to myself.  ‘But I can’t just leave, he has been so nice to me, I should at least thank him.  After all, that kiss, if nothing else, it did actually make me feel like I was missing out on something, and more importantly, it did make me want to get it back.’  I was worried that I if I ever did kiss another man again, it would feel weird.  I had been with my husband for three years before we got married, and were not even married for 2 years, before I lost him.  However, I thought that if someone ever did kiss me again, I would feel like I was cheating on him, or I guess the memory of him.  ‘Oh God, I’m going to be sick’ I thought pulling myself back to reality, as I felt the room start to spin, and needed to find a washroom.  I quickly grabbed my purse, searched the bus to find a small washroom, and after I was sick, I actually felt a little better.  ‘Why is that’ I thought to myself, ‘I can take all the medication in the world, rest in the dark, but I don’t ever get relief until I am sick.  Migraines SUCK!’  Although I was feeling a little better, I did not want to chance moving much just yet.  I pulled my toothbrush out of my purse and quickly brushed my teeth, sat back down on the floor in the little bathroom, in the dark with my knees pulled to my chest and my head resting on my knees.  ‘As soon as I feel the bus stop spinning, I will get up, look for Josh and head home,’ I thought to myself. 

Josh’s POV:

After the meet and greet, I was excited to see how Jordan was feeling.  As I was headed back out to the bus, Matt followed me.

“So, who is this girl?” He asked.  “Do you really want to get involved with her; you don’t know anything about her.”

“What are you talking about, you’ve met her, she’s great, maybe a little damaged, but who the hell isn’t?”

“I just mean you don’t know anything about her, she seems great, but what, you met her 5 hours ago?  And now you have her sleeping on the band bus?”

“Matt, what is your point.”  I was starting to get a little frustrated.

“Look, I just don’t think you should jump into something serious so quickly.  Especially with someone, you don’t even know and who is clearly dealing with her own issues.  I worry about you man, and don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Worry a little more about yourself.  Everyone else seems to like her, why are you the only one who is being a dick?”

Matt looked at me a little hurt, “I am just trying to look out for you.  The reality is if she is still dealing with a loss like that, she is not going to be open to a new relationship; you may cause her more pain and pain for yourself as well, and really how is this going to work?  You can’t put her on your timetable, she ‘gets over it,’” he said using air quotes, “when she is ready, not when you think she should be ready.”

“I am not forcing her into anything Matt; I just want her to be happy.”

“All this because she gave you a ride?”  Matt asked in disbelief.  “What does it matter to you?”

“I DON’T FUCKING KNOW ALRIGHT.” I screamed, and took a deep breath, letting out a long sigh.  In a more calm tone I said, “There is something about her.  It is not rational, I know that, I just want to get to know her better, even if I don’t have a lot of time, my heart goes out to her, and for some reason, I want to help her.  Who knows, maybe I can’t, but she deserves to be happy, and I want to try.” 

“I didn’t mean any harm Josh; I just want you to be careful.  You might not be able to ‘fix her’ any more than any of your past girlfriends have been able to ‘fix you’.  And trying to ‘fix her’ won’t help to ‘fix you’.”

“Maybe it will.  I’ve never really been able to talk about my past relationship problems with anyone before, and today, I was able to tell her all about it.  All my fuck-ups, all my issues, openly and honestly.  I actually started to feel like I could make some changes, and I want to make them....  I want to make them for her.”

Matt just hugged me and said, “Good luck man, I hope it works for you, I just don’t want to see you get hurt.  Listen the rest of us are going to go grab a bite to eat, are you in?”

“Not sure, let me see how Jordan feels and I will text you.” 

Matt headed back to the room with the others, and I headed to the bus to see how Jordan was feeling.  I walked into the bus, and headed to my bunk, but I saw that the curtain was open, and neither Jordan nor her purse was there.