Learning to Live Again (A Josh Ramsay Fan fiction)

Chapter Twenty-Three:

Another knocking on the door, followed immediately by the ringing of the doorbell.  The knocking sounded urgent, panicked even.  I still could not see who the person was at the door.  Finally, the person pulled the hoodie off his head, and I could not mistake the dark hair and blue streak.  It was Josh!  I immediately unlocked and opened the door, smiling like a complete idiot, and could not be happier to have him standing at my front door.

My smile quickly faded when I saw his face.  He looked so angry and worried; panic was all over his face as he burst into the house.  He grabbed my arms, pinning them to my sides and looked deep into my eyes.  “What the fuck Jordan, I thought something happened, why the hell didn’t you call!  Are you alright?”

“I’m f…fine” I stammered, “You can let me go, and perhaps not yell in my face.”  He just stood there staring at me, but released the death hold he had on my arms, putting his hands on my waist and pulling me into him for a hug.  “What is wrong with you?” I asked.  “Why are you here, and more importantly, why the fuck are you yelling at me?”  I pulled away looking at him.

“You said you would call when you got home, and you didn’t,” 

“I sent you a text” I said cutting him off.  

“Is a text a call?  Anyone could have sent that, you said you would call.”

“Now who’s paranoid,” I said smiling trying to lighten the mood as I turned to walk to the kitchen in order to hide some of my own paranoia that I am sure was all over my face.

“Not funny.  I knew I should have forced you to let me come with you.  I have been calling you for the last hour.  Why didn’t you answer?”  Josh said following me.

“I um….  Turned the phones off?”  I stammered as I started to mix the frosting for the cupcakes.

“You what??”

“Look, I was a little jumpy when I got home, after Eric rang the doorbell, I nearly jumped out of my skin, so I turned off the phones.  I was thinking that if I ever did fall asleep, having the phones go off would probably give me a heart attack, so I turned them off.”  Hearing myself say that sounded really stupid. 

Josh confirmed what I was thinking by saying, “What if someone was calling to warn you or let you know they caught the bastard, or…”

“I get it” I yelled cutting him off, “Stupid idea!  I’m sorry, I clearly was not, and am not thinking too clearly.  For Christ sake, after a day like today, you think people could cut me a little fucking slack!  Besides, what are you doing here, I thought we agreed to sleep on it!”  I turned my back to Josh and turned on the stand mixer to mix the frosting, and attempted to drown out his response.  I didn’t mean for that to come out as angry and annoyed as it did.  I really was glad he was here.  Not 30 minutes ago I was begging for Eric to stay with me, but I did not want Josh to be here out of some sense of duty.  After all, this was not his mess, and I didn’t need another person in my life feeling sorry for me or doing things for me out of pity.  Of all people, I wanted Josh to be there because he wanted to be there, because, as much as I hated to admit it, I wanted him more than anything, and I knew that if I spent any more time with him, it was entirely likely that I could fall in love with him.

Josh walked around the counter, standing behind me he placed a hand on my hip reached over the stand mixer, placing his hand on mine and turned off the mixer.  Suddenly the room was very quiet.  He spoke so softly in my ear, “I’m just trying to be nice; I really was and am still a little worried about you.” 

Without turning around I said just as softly, “Look, I appreciate the concern, but right now I am fine, a little sore, but I will be ok.  I just really don’t need another reason for people to pity me.” 

He placed both hands on my hips and turned me around to face him, “I don’t pity you, I know you are strong and can take care of yourself, just know that you don’t have to, I want to help.” 

“Okay, if I need your help, I will ask, how is that?” 

“Fine, but help will be here for you whether you ask or not.  You say I am stubborn, holy shit, something like this happens and you are still pushing people away.  FUCK Jordan, I am not leaving that easily, and you may have to shoot me in order to get rid of me!”  Josh said clearly getting upset.

“I’m sorry” I said, “I just don’t want to be seen as the poor little girl, always gets into situations and can’t take care of herself.”  Josh placed a finger under my chin lifting my eyes to meet his.  “No one sees you like that, at least I don’t.  I see a very strong woman, who although can take care of herself, needs to realize she has help around her.” 

“You didn’t really answer my question” I said softly, “I thought we agreed to wait until the adrenaline and the stress of the day had worn off before you called.” 

“No, you said, I didn’t agree.  Besides you also said to wait until the morning, and it is morning.”  He moved his body closer, leaned down and kissed me softly.  With his lips so close to mine he said “besides whenever I am around you, Jordan, all I feel is adrenaline, and I don’t see it ever wearing off.”  With that, he lifted me onto the counter, maneuvered himself between my legs, and pulled me into him.  He kissed me with so much passion, I completely forgot everything that had happened.