Learning to Live Again (A Josh Ramsay Fan fiction)

Chapter Twenty-One:

Once I arrived home, I was starting to regret my decision.  The 2-story red brick house was dark, except for the outside lights, and although I have lived here for years, and it is home, I felt nervous having to go inside alone.  I pulled the car into the driveway, got out and locked the door.  I looked around the neighbourhood; it was very quiet, but past four in the morning, you could hear the odd bird starting to sing.  Nothing seemed out of place.  ‘The sun will be up soon, I should really get some sleep, but I need a shower’ I thought to myself, as my muscles started to ache.  I headed to the front door and let myself in, turning on the front entrance light.  Everything seemed to be in its’ place.  My two cats greeted me at the front door, purring and wondering between my legs.  The cried loudly as if to say, “Where the hell have you been?  We’re hungry!”  I sighed as I dropped my bags on the floor, slipped off my shoes and leaned over to pet them hello.  I headed into the kitchen at the back of the house as the two cats excitedly beat me to their food and water dishes purring and meowing loudly.  Their food bowls were empty, and I felt a pang of guilt as I realized they would have been out of food since 7pm last night.  “Sorry girls,” I said as I filled the bowls with fresh water and food.  As a treat, and a bribe asking for forgiveness, I gave them their favorite treats, which they greedily accepted.  Satisfied that they were not that mad at me and all was forgiven, I poured myself a very generous glass of white wine and headed upstairs to have shower.  As I entered my bedroom with the ensuite, I sent a quick text to Josh to let him know that I got home safe and sound.  I know he said to call, but figured he would have gone to sleep by now.  I wrote ‘I’m home, safe and sound, no issues.  Thank you again for tonight.  You are an amazing person, something I am pretty sure you already know! J  Having a shower then heading to bed myself. Goodnight.  Jordan.’ 

Once in the bathroom, I stripped off my clothes, or rather Josh’s clothing, and inhaled the scent smiling that they still smelled like him.  But as happy as his scent made me, I was still aching that I came home alone.  I folded them and placed them on my dresser, hoping to see him again.  I am not sure how long I was in the shower, but I effectively draining the hot water tank and steamed up the bathroom.  As I stepped out starting drying off, I noticed that my skin was bright red from the heat of the water, but unfortunately, it didn’t hide the bruises.  I frowned as I gently touched them and memories of earlier came flooding back to me.  I shook off the tears that started to come, and forced myself to think of the more pleasant memories, the memories of Josh and how he ignited something inside of me.  Even if he doesn’t call, I will forever be in his debt, he woke me up, made me want to get out of this rut, stop just living day to day, and start enjoying my life again.  Of course, I do want him to call, I simply don’t expect it, but did make a mental note to call my family and friends soon and start to live again. 

As I put on my pajamas, a simple tank top and shorts, I could still feel the adrenaline of the day coursing through me, and knew I would not be able to sleep.  Especially knowing that Mr. Smith was still out there, I knew I would not be able to get any sleep, paranoid that he would find me.  I decided to watch some TV in the living room, maybe catch up on Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Archer, shows that I can turn my brain off while watching, or bake something; I do enjoy baking when I’m anxious.  I headed back down to the living room followed by the two cats.  I made myself comfortable on the couch with my glass of wine and loaded up some shows to watch, both cats making themselves comfortable beside me.  After about 30 minutes of blissful mind numbing television, and a glass of wine, I decided to bake some cupcakes, I still was not tired and was resigned to the fact I was not going to get any sleep.

After mixing all the ingredients, I went to put the cupcake batter into the oven, when the doorbell rang.  I nearly dropped the tray onto the ground, and my heart jumped into my throat.  I was standing in the kitchen paralyzed with fear, I could hear my heart beating in my ears, and the room began to spin.  ‘Oh my God, it’s 5:30 in the morning, who is it?...  It’s him, he found me,’ I thought ‘what do I do?...  My gun...  it’s still in my bag by the front door.’  I willed myself to let go of the counter and moved slowly to the front door.  The doorbell rang again followed by knocking.  My heart jumped again, as I reached into my bag and pulled out my gun.  I had a clip loaded with rounds in my desk beside the door and slowly made my way there.  I loaded the magazine into the gun with shaky fingers and charged the firearm to load a round into the barrel.