Learning to Live Again (A Josh Ramsay Fan fiction)

Chapter Thirteen:

I have to say, the show was amazing, they have some real talent.  I don’t know if I would want to fly above the crowd like he does, but everyone seems to love it.  Who wouldn’t love him?  He is charming, charismatic, confident, and arrogant.  In many ways, he reminds me of my husband.  Maybe that is why I decided to stay.

They were about to finish the show when Josh said to the audience, “Now I know this is not one of our songs, but there is probably someone here tonight who this song speaks to.”  Just then, he looked briefly over to me standing at the side of the stage and winked.  “I want to dedicate this song to all those out there who are dealing with the loss of love and hope that this song helps open the door for a new love.”

They started to sing their acapella version of So it Goes by Billy Joel.

“In every heart,

There is a room,

A sanctuary is safe and strong,

To heal the wounds from lovers past,

Until a new one comes along.

“I spoke to you

In cautious tones

You answered me with no pretense

And still I feel I said too much

My silence is my self-defence.

“And this is why my eyes are closed

It’s just as well for all I’ve seen

And so it goes and so it goes

And you’re the only one who knows.

“So I would choose to be with you

As if the choice were mine to make

But you can make decisions too

And you can have this heart to break.

“And so it goes and so it goes

And you’re the only one who knows.”

When they were done, everyone cheered, you could hear the fans screaming their love for all the members of the band.  “Thank you very much; you have been the BEST FUCKING AUDIENCE EVER!”  Josh yelled out, and then the four of them left the stage.  Within seconds of him leaving the stage, I felt a tapping on my shoulder.  I turned around to see who it was, knowing it was probably Josh, and there he was towering over me with a big grin on his face.  “Well,” he said, “you’re still here, so that’s fucking awesome!  How did you like the show.” 

“It was alright.  You guys have some skill.” I said sarcastically. 

He just smiled and shook his head, “Well I guess we will have to improve in order to convince you otherwise.”  He smirked.

“Have you been crying?” He asked, with a worried expression on his face.  I tried to hide my face, and look at the ground, but he cupped my chin and lifted my face up to meet his eyes.

“Yes, alright” I said annoyed “of course I’m crying, yet again!  That song was beautiful, it is one of my favorites and your version, done acapella like that is, I don’t even have the words for.  I feel like since I meet you, all I have done is cry, it is starting to get embarrassing!”  I laughed.

“As long as it is not a continual thing, don’t worry about it.”  He joked as he pecked my forehead.

“Douche,” I mumbled.

“Sorry, something’s just won’t change,” he laughed.  “Come on, I am going to have a quick shower, we have a meet and greet with some fans then we are going to get something to eat.”  He wrapped his arms around my shoulder and led me to the backstage area.

I opted out of the meet and greet, this had absolutely nothing to do with me, besides I was getting a massive migraine from the stress of the day.  “You are not leaving yet though right?” Josh asked, giving me a pout.

I sighed, as much fun as I was having, the only thing that gets rid of this pain is sleep, and generally sleep in my own bed.  But I didn’t really want to say goodbye either.  “I guess not, but I do need to take some Tylenol and lay down for a bit to try and get rid of the pain, so I should just go home, it is after 1000pm.” 

“Shit, I’m sorry, 1000pm, wow that is late, what time is your bedtime?” He asked sarcastically.  “How old are you?  Besides, it’s Friday, and it’s not that fucking late!” he laughed.  “Okay, why don’t I take you to the band bus, take some pills, drink lots of water and close your eyes for a bit and have a nap.  It will be quiet; no one generally goes on the bus till the end of the night.  The meet and greet will probably be like an hour or so, do you think you will feel better by then?”  He asked. 

“I don’t know; if I caught it in time, maybe.” 

“Okay it is settled!  Wait here a sec.”  I sat down on a chair and put my head in my hands, closing my eyes and trying to slow the pain.  “Okay let’s go, it is all set,” Josh said reaching out his hands to pull me up.  “I told everyone what is going on and they all agreed you need to stay and should go lay down to feel better.  No one will go onto the bus, so it will be quiet and dark.”  I took his hands and he led me to the band bus.  Once inside he asked, “what do you need?” 

“Um, my purse, which is in my car, I need to take my pills, and maybe some water.” 

“Ok, I will be right back!”  He ran to my car, and grabbed my purse.  When he got back to the bus, he reached into the mini fridge and pulled out a bottle of water, handing my both.  “Come with me,” he said.  I followed him to the back of the bus, and he opened up his bunk and said, “Here, sleep here, it may not be the most comfortable, but it is dark and quiet.”  He helped me into the little bed, and slid in beside me, face to face.  I took a couple pills and almost finished the whole 1 litre bottle of water.  I laid down resting my head on my arm.  Josh, sitting beside me, never took his eyes off me. 

“What,” I said. 

“Nothing, I feel bad that you have a headache, is there anything else I can do?”

“No, you have been amazingly nice to me, I should just go home, and you have a job to do.”

“But I don’t want you to go home.”

“Life is full of things we don’t want,” I smirked.

“Just shut up, close your eyes, and face the other way,” he said.

I did as requested, and turned around facing the wall.  I could feel Josh lay down beside me, and he started to draw on my back with his fingers.  Something my husband would do when I was sick.  Thoughts were swimming through my mind, ‘Who is this man, he reminds me so much of Rick.  One minute he is a complete and utter asshole, the next, he is kind, compassionate and caring.  Rick I miss you.  What am I doing here?  This is not me, I can’t do this....  I want to be with you again, why did you leave me?’  Within minutes, I was able to fall asleep.  Whether it was the medication, Josh drawing on my back, or simply being overtired from the stress of the day, I was able to sleep.