alllll the fics

Goodbye, Internet

 Description: Dan and Phil make their last videos. Ow.

Warnings: None except for the fact that you will realize that someday they will really quit and something like this will happen

   Dan sat the tripod up in the corner of his room, adjusted the lighting, and sighed. He’d been putting this off for a week or two, but it had to happen. They were both doing it, and there was really no use postponing it any longer. Through the paper thin walls, Dan could hear Phil starting his video. They were both for the same reason. A muffled “Hey guys,” came through to Dan’s ears, and it sounded so much sadder than usual. He reached down beside him to check. He had the awards nearby to comfort him a little. (Well, one of them. Phil had the other ones). He had tissues. So what was stopping him? Well, maybe it was the unbearable sadness he felt. It was so odd to feel so unhappy while filming. Usually filming these videos made him happy, but.. Maybe it was that he could already hear Phil’s voice breaking. He knew that was going to be him in just a matter of minutes. But really, there was no point in waiting anymore. He turned the camera on, moved it around for a second, and then started to record. He did his usual wave. “Hi, Internet,” he said, faking a smile. Then he stopped and let his actual expression, a frown, flow onto his face. “Well, maybe I shouldn’t start this video that way, actually.”

    “This is probably the saddest video I will ever have to make,” Dan choked out, running a hand back through his hair. “And that’s because.. It’s the last video I will ever make.” He looked down, letting that news sink in, not only to the people who would watch it, but to him. It was really the last one. He looked back up, realizing it had been too long of a pause. “Um, yeah.” He forced a laugh. “It’s been a great run, guys. It’s 2018, so that’s uh.. 9 years for me, 12 years for Phil.” He whistled. “Wow, 12 years. That’s actually a really long time..” He pointed to the wall. “Yeah, Phil’s in there making a video like this too. So, we’re both leaving. It’s sad, but you guys had to know it was coming.”

    “Every book,” he continued, now really starting to get choked up, “has a last page. Every show has a last season. And uh.. I guess every youtuber has a last video.” He continued running his hands through his hair. “It was a really wild ride, for all of us. When I started out in ‘09, I was just a little fangirl, honestly. I was a lot like some of you. Phil was my inspiration, and we only got to talk on Skype. Then I got to meet him, and we made the very first Phil is not on fire. Then, flash forward to August 10th 2011, the beginning of what some of you might call an era. That was when me and Phil first moved in together. A lot more happened that year, and by the end we were gaining popularity fast. We even got to do a very special Christmas radio show. Then in 2012, we moved to London, and BBC called us back to do another Christmas show. In 2013, though, that’s when the really big things started happening. That’s when we got our very own weekly radio show, we both hit 1,000,000 subscribers, we started getting awards left and right, we got to meet Fall Out Boy and we hosted at Reading Festival. And in 2014, we won even more awards and we hosted the Britt awards, and so much more.” He smiled, tears now flooding his eyes. “Wow. I guess this is all just hitting me now.” His eyes darted around, trying to focus on something, anything that would distract him from the fact that this was all over. Danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil would be gone, and they’be be left only with Dan Howell and Phil Lester. And.. Maybe that’d be okay. He turned his focus back to the camera. “Guys, I know this is so cheesy and I hate to be the one to do this sort of thing but..” He blinked hard and tried to get the tears to stop. “I seriously cannot thank you all enough. Starting out, I was just an 18 year old. I was a kid. But you guys seemed to love me. You all stuck by me as I went to university and stuck by me as I realized I hated it and as I dropped out to become a youtuber full time. You guys have supported Phil and I through every step of this 9 year journey. You watched me grow up. We all grew up together, I like to think.”

   He coughed, trying not to cry yet. He was bound and determined to finish his speech before letting the tears fall. “I don’t like to think about where I would be in life if it was’t for youtube. Without youtube, I wouldn’t have my best friend, and I’d be living working as a lawyer. I’d probably hate life, honestly. You guys saved me from that. You showed me that there is hope for everyone, and even a screw-up like me can make it in the real world.” He smiled and felt one tear roll out onto his cheek. “Fuck,” he muttered, wiping fiercely at it. “Sorry. I didn’t want to cry. But guys, even though this was amazing and I love you all, I guess I need to move on.” He shook his head, laughing at his own crying. This was just so rediculous. “I think of life as a book. And this-” He gestured around to everything. The camera, the laptop, his room, everything.  “-was a chapter. And even though this chapter is over, I can look back on it any time I want and smile. And just know- This was the best damn chapter ever written.” He put his face in his hands for a moment. ‘Don’t cry, Dan,’ he thought. ‘Don’t fucking cry.’ He sighed and looked back up, not sure anymore if the tears were there or if he just thought they were. “Don’t worry about Phil and I- We’re going to continue living here together, we won’t just disappear off the face of the earth. Um, our radio show is gone, but we’ll still be using our tumblr and twitter accounts. Well, at least Iwill. Hell, I might even do an occasional live shows for you guys.” He picked up a tissue and dabbed at his eyes. “So, if you happen to see Phil and I out in public, don’t hesitate to come up to us.” He tried to smile again, but it only made him want to cry harder. “Come give us hugs and ask for pictures. We’ll enjoy it, I promise. Feel free to tell us anything.”

   “Tell us about how much you hate your brother, or how you hate your ‘friends’, or just tell us what you ate for lunch. Tell us that you loved us, and we inspired you to carry on with life.” He barely managed to keep from totally crying as he heard Phil again. This time he was saying, “So, that’s it for today- And forever I guess.” Dan whimpered before continuing. “But if you do, I want you to know; You guys shouldn’t be thanking me. I should be thanking you. You made my life awesome. If I had the chance to do this all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. You saved me from having to really grow up. I love you all for that, whether you’ve been here since day one or if you only subscribed yesterday.” He bit down on his lip. He didn’t want to do the next part. No, he didn’t not want to, he simply couldn’t. Thankfully, there was a knock on his door, and Phil stepped in. “Dan?” he asked, his voice wavering. “You making your video? You know.. The sad one?” Dan nodded and gestured for Phil to come over. Phil sat down beside him, face red and tear soaked. “Hey,” Phil said, not looking directly at the camera. “Just know I love you all, and I’m gonna miss making videos for you and doing live shows and the radio show. I just.. I’m gonna miss everything. I’ll miss all of this so much.” Dan nodded. “I’ll miss it too.” He turned to Phil, barely able to speak. “Want to do the honors, Phil?” Phil shook his head. “No, you can.” Dan frowned. “Okay, we do it at the same time.” Phil nodded and they counted down.

   “1..” Dan said cautiously, still not ready. He looked to Phil for comfort.

    “2…” Phil shook a little as he said it, but it had to be done. He knew if he couldn’t be strong, Dan couldn’t either. Besides.. It had to be done. It was time.

   “3.” They raised their hands in unison and waved to their fans for the very last time.

   “Goodbye, Intenet!”