DayDream (Liam Payne FF) (BWWM) COMPLETED

Sophia - pain.

*** This chapter is a bit disturbing. if you don't think you can handle, it may be wise to skip it.***

(One week ago) 

I hate hospitals. I hate the gloomy, fluorescent lights. I hate the smell of industrial cleaner mixed with the fresh flowers that people bring in, trying to mask the odor. I hate the feeling of dread that rises from the out of my stomach whenever I have to go to a hospital. Even the best hospitals, that have funds being spent on them give me the creeps. I mean, what a place. People are born here, people die here. Some people get the best news of their lives here & some find out their death sentences have been written into their DNA. How could anyone willingly want to be here?

I cover my eyes, trying to ignore the dull, irritating light in the room overhead as I become aware of a cool substance on my stomach and something prodding me. 

"It doesn't look good." 

"What do you mean it doesn't look good?!" A voice snaps back. My sister. 

"Liv, what's going on?," I half whisper, half groan. I hear movement as she leaves her seat to stand by me, smoothing the hair out of my face. 

"Something is going on with the baby Sophia... it's not good." 

My eyes snap open and I drop my hands from my face as I shift to look at her better. "What did you say?" 

She sighs as she looks over at the doctor, who's making it a point to stare at the monitor that's showing the inside of my stomach. 

"You have Rh Disease, Sophia. The medical name for it is Erythroblastosis Fetalis and it basically means that your blood type and the baby's blood type aren't compatible and now your body is creating antibodies to attack the baby." 

By this point, I'm struggling to sit up and I'm trying to swat away the hands trying to force me to lay back down. I've never heard of anything like this before. Why me? 

Liv sighs and continues, "There's more." 

Hot tears like pinpricks are quickly forming in my eyes as I shake my head at her. This is too much. Too much all at once. 

Liv climbs into the bed with me and wraps her arms around me. "There's no heartbeat. The doctor wanted for you to wake up before starting the removal process."

Removal? 

"Removal?!" I half scream at my sister. "You make this sound like you're just cleaning out your closet. This is a child. Your potential niece or nephew and you're going to sit here and tell me about removal?" I rant. " I mean I always thought you were a but cold but really Liv? You act like this is just a routine thing." 

Liv remains quiet as I scream at her, only shifting her position next to me so she could cradle me, though I don't want her to touch me.

I don't want anyone to touch me.

I feel an odd mix if emotions. Overwhelming sadness that I just barely found out I was pregnant & now this baby is gone. Guilt that I can't seem to do anything right, not even carry this child. Apprehension. 

I can't tell Liam. 

It wouldn't be fair to light up his face with the news that I am... I was pregnant & now that there will be no baby.

There isn't a baby.

My body killed our baby. 

My chest feels as if it's going to burst as I sharply intake air. I didn't realize I had stopped breathing. With the intake if air, the tears break down the barrier of shock and flood down my face. Leaving a solemn funeral procession of grief as the doctor clears his throat and begins to prep me for the removal of my child. 

My dead child. 

Liv is talking to me but I barely hear her. 

"Please don't tell Liam," I whisper quietly. "His heart doesn't need to be broken." 

I'm vaguely aware of a small pinch in my arm before drifting off to sleep, my sister whispering soothing thoughts and smoothing my hair. 

Why me?