atelophobia | kth + jhs

26

It had been a few days since the incident, and Hoseok didn't want to admit that he had been feeling very, very bad.

His mental state had been digging at each of his insecurities and destroying his will to even leave his bed and do something productive for the day - having to decline Taehyungs offer when he asked if they could hang out.

His mind was painted with fear after what he walked in on taehyung in the bathroom, his anxiety increasingly getting worse throughout the day as even the slightest sound would cause him to go into a full blown panick attack.

He hadn't felt this bad in a while - being with Taehyung made all the bad thoughts go away, it was like his mind was playing tricks with him. For a few weeks he would feel at peace, able to relax when he was around his boyfriend. But now it was like a bullet had suddenly hit his heart, stopping all emotion and motivation to do anything, he blamed himself.

Hoseok didn't want Taehyung to worry, the other was already struggling with a problem of his own that hoseok had only found out about a few days ago. It made him feel useless, now he was thinking about it, along with oblivious. Taehyung had been suffering all this time and hoseok has failed to notice, now he was left with a constant pain in his chest just incase anything bad was to happen - to either of them.

Gripping his hair in anger he stood up from his bed, his hold on his hair tightening and he winced at the pain. Letting out a shaky breath he picked up a coat which had been carelessly thrown on the floor from days ago, deciding to go on a walk to calm himself down - his arms felt like lead at not moving for a while, his eyes physically showing signs of such stress and hurt.

Lacing up his shoes in a double bow he reached for his door handle, about to leave until he paused hearing his phone vibrate against his kitchen table.

1 message from: taetae - 12 seconds ago.

taetae: look, i ate a little bit
of the sandwiches you
made me:)
are you proud of me?
*image attatched*

Hoseoks heart dropped once reading the message, tears glossing over his eyes as he but his lip hard. He was so proud, so proud.

hoseok: i'm so proud of
you, please don't do
anything stupid.

taetae: I promise
i won't.

incoming call: taetae.

"hello princess."

"h-hi."

"how are you?"

Sighing into the phone, Hoseok didn't want to admit he could feel himself getting bad again.

"i-i'm alright."

"that's good. i'm
just calling to tell you
i'm going to
be visiting my parents
for a few days."

At this Hoseok froze, his face draining in colour at the thought of not seeing taehyung again until another few days. Sniffing, Hoseok tried hard to not let the other know he was on the verge of tears.

"no no don't be
upset baby, i didn't tell
you earlier because i
thought you were working."

Hoseok could hear the frown in the others voice.

"i-i'ts okay, i hope
you have a great t-time."

"i'll call you every
night, okay?"

"okay."

"i love you."

A tear left Hoseoks eye.
"i-i love you too."

Hanging up Hoseok felt his knees go weak, taehyung couldn't leave him now, not when he was in such a bad state. His head started to hurt, pounding heavily hoseok gritted his teeth attempting to rid away the bad thoughts and waves of anxiety passing throughout his body.

His thoughts were the only thing keeping him company now, he was all alone.

Shaking his head he left his phone face down on his kitchen table, reaching out for the door handle once again he paused when he heard a knock.

It couldn't be Taehyung, so he frowned, grabbing the handle before hesitantly pulling it open.

"J-Jeongguk?"

Hoseok stammered out, eyes widening in a mix of disgust and fear.

"Where's Taehyung?" The younger asked, impatiently tapping his foot against the ground.

"Did T-Taehyung not tell you where h-he went?" Face flushing out of embarrassment, hoseok adverted his gaze to anywhere else apart from the boys standing infront of him.

"No, but I'm glad you opened the door."
Jeongguk smiled out, tilting his head to the side before taking a step forwards towards the shorter male.

Noticing the way Jeongguk stepped forward he took one step back, nearly tripping over in the process. "C-Can you leave now if t-thats all you-"

"Sorry about last time, princess." Jeongguk apologised, bringing his hands up to gently run his fingers down the side of hoseoks face, cupping his cheeks.

Flinching Hoseok turned his head to the side quickly, attempting to remove the others rough fingers caressing his cheeks.

Jeongguk frowned before roughly gripping Hoseoks chin, jolting him forward so their faces were mere inches apart.

"Do you accept my apology?" Jeongguk growled out, fingers tightening against the boys face.

Nodding furiously Hoseok began to cry, violently sobbing as everything came crashing down on him, he was scared. Tears streamed down his cheeks wetting Jeongguks fingers, pushing Hoseoks face out of his hold he scowled in disgust before turning around to leave.

Sinking to the floor Hoseok buried his face into the palms of his hands, brining his knees up to his chest he let out a tired whimper.

What did I do to deserve this?