P.S. I'm Dying

LEX

LEX

I stared at the journal on my study table and then at my luggage across the room.

I sighed. Paano ako aalis kung di ko pa naibabalik ang journal niya?

Busy siya.

She refused to meet me.

"Daddy?" I looked up at the door when it cracked open kasabay ng boses ni Maryse.
Inikot ko ang swivel chair paharap sa kaniya.

"Yes, baby?" I asked her.

"Are you really moving out?" tanong niya nang di nakatingin sa akin sabay pinaglaruan ang knob ng pinto ko habang nakanguso.

"Maryse Anne, come here." maikling paanyaya ko sabay senyas sa kaniya na lumapit sa akin.

Nakapout siyang nagmartsa papunta sa akin at naupo sa lap ko.

Masama ang tingin niya sa akin. "Alexander, I don't want you to move out. You said you'll never leave me. . ."

Ginulo ko ang buhok niya at saka siya niyakap, "Maryse, Daddy Lex really needs his space. I already planned it a long time ago, right? Kailangang hanapin ni Daddy ang sarili niya. . ." I said and hugged her even tigher, "You'll understand someday, baby. I'll miss you, yes, pero dadalawin ka ng Daddy Lex, okay? I'll always be your tito daddy."

"But New York is so far! You promised me. I can't reach you there. Bakit di ka na lang lumipat ng bahay sa tabi ng bahay natin? You're being unfair."

"Maryse. Then, there's no point in moving out if I do that. Marami akong gagawin doon. I choose New York, hindi dahil malayo sayo, kundi, malayo sa sarili ko. I just want to forget something I badly want to forget. Okay?"

"Daddy hindi ko kaya if you leave. Sino na magtuturo sa akin ng lessons, how about my Ballet Class? Who will drive me there, and fetch me? Daddy, I need you."

"That's why you have your Mommy, Maryse. You need your mommy. Okay? You'll understand someday, baby. Just promise me you'll never forget me, okay?"

"I'll never." she said and thrusts me her pinky.

"I'll never too, baby." I answered and wrapped my pinky around hers. "Are we okay?"

"We'll never be." she said and looked down.

"Maryse?!"

"Sorry, I mean, yes we are daddy." she chuckled.

"Okay, bumaba ka na malelate ka pa sa school. Baka nandiyan na ang bus service mo."

She kissed me bago siya nanakbo palabas.

I picked up the journal and placed it on the box and tied the ribbon.

In-address ko kay Gabe.

Tinanggal ko rin agad ang ribbon nang may maisip ako.

For the last time, siguro dapat ko nang sabihin ang dapat kong sabihin bago ako umalis.

I picked up a postcard and a marker. With that I wrote the three words I refused to say to her for so long ago.

I placed it on top of the journal bago ko inilagay ang takip ng box at tinali ang ribbon