Nothing Holdin Me Back

XVI

"You're just going to break her heart, and yours."

•••

Shawn.

After Maddox and I went to go eat pizza I took her back to her place, I had an amazing time just being with her. I don't think I have ever been this happy since I was with Alice and I'm talking about the happy parts of that relationship. I really liked being around Maddox and that was the scary part. We walked towards her apartment door and stood there for a little.

"Thank you for saving me from boredom today, I had a lot of fun." She told me with her dimple smile.

I chuckled, "No problem, I had fun as well."

"Do you want to come in? I could use a movie marathon buddy since Jess is busy working." She asked.

I looked down at my watch, it was already seven pm and to keep up with the lie I'm living I should go back to the apartment.

"As much as I would love to stay duty calls." I lied.

She shook her head and smiled, "No you're fine, maybe another time. Good luck at work."

"Thank you." I told her before I was going to start walking away.

But she stopped me and went in for a kiss, it happened so fast but I couldn't help but kiss back. She then pulled away and smiled.

"Bye Shawn." She said softy before opening her door and walking in.

She shut the door and I was left standing in the middle of the empty hallway. Shit. I walked away and down the stairs then proceeded out of her complex. I got in the truck and drove back the little way to Matt and I's apartment. The whole way I felt uneasy because I knew he saw, I had been so careful to only kiss her or be affectionate when Matt was not around but she kissed me.

I got out of the truck after I parked it in our parking spot, I locked it and headed inside our apartments. I walked by people not bothering to look their way, I went up the stairs till I got to the right floor. I walked down the hallwaytill I got to our door, I was about to open it but it swung open before I could.

"Are you fucking out of your mind?" Matt yelled.

You could hear his voice echo down the hallway, I shushed him as I pushed past him and walked into the apartment. He closed the door and locked it before following me to the living room.

"Why the hell are you yelling Matt?" I asked.

He shook his head, "You know damn well why, what were you thinking to kiss her?"

"For your information she kissed me." I told him as I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge.

"You didn't exactly stop it, in fact you kissed her back. Shawn please...please tell me that was the first and last kiss." He asked but by the expression on his face he already knew the answer.

"Last? Yes." I told him.

He rubbed his hands down his face, "Shawn you can't be serious, what did I tell you?"

"Matt I know I fucked up and I tried to tell her we couldn't be anything but she got upset. If I were to upset her she wouldn't talk to me and I wouldn't be able to get close to her if something were to happen." I told him.

He gave me a look like he didn't believe a word I said, "Was it for the mission or because you have feelings for her?"

When I didn't say anything it answered his question. Matt sighed before leaning against the back of the couch. We stood their in silence for a bit before he spoke again.