Nothing Holdin Me Back

XXV

"Something isn't right."

•••

Shawn

Silence. That all I heard as the police and investigation team arrived. I watched as they looked for anything out of the ordinary. They searched every inch of the place for anything that could help us.

But nothing, everything was clean and neat. Not even one finger print that wasn't Maddox's or mine. But all I could see was everyone walking in slow motion, not hearing one thing. It's as if I was in the room but I wasn't, like piece of me was missing.

Nothing felt right, everything was misplaced. At least I thought so, there shouldn't be police in here. There shouldn't be an investigation in her apartment. All that's missing is her and the way she looks when she's studying.

How focused she was, the way her eyes would dance around the laptop screen. The way her pen moved swiftly against her Note pad as she wrote down the important things. The way she bit on the end of the cap of the pen as she read.

Or when she would watch a scary movie late at night. The lights were all off and she was curled up on the couch. Her orange and yellow Halloween blanket around her as she watched the screen intently. Or when she would get upset at the characters of the movie for doing a cliche move.

She wouldn't jump, not once even when there was a intense jump scare. It's like she predicted it, like she knew exactly what was going to happen before it happens. People might find that boring in a person, to not be able to surprise someone for they already see it coming.

But I found it fascinating, to know she was always one step ahead. To know she observed everything but that was only for what she knew best. Scary movies, not her actual life. It's almost like she could escape reality through a horror movie.

Everyone has their escape but now it wasn't her escape. It was her reality, her whole life seems like some horror show. From her childhood to now being kidnapped and god knows where she's at. To know she could possibly go through the same thing or even worse than before. It hurt, it felt like someone took what you loved most and crushed it right in front of you.

Made you see it all happen and made sure you couldn't move. That you couldn't do one thing to save her. You couldn't reach her on time, couldn't fix it. And the guilt was excruciating to bare because you could've done something but now all you can do is suffer.

"Hey I got word from the boss." I heard Matt say.

Knowing it could possibly help find Maddox he had my full attention. I turned and looked at him but I didn't see what I hoped for. I hoped to see Matt looking happy, like he just heard the best news possible. But that's not what happened, instead I seen defeat.

"And what did he say?" I asked.

He sighed, "He said Hernandez has been locked up since they called us to tell us he's been caught. They are interrogating him now but there's no way he could be our guy."

Hearing that was hard, to know that the one person you were here to protect her from isn't the person that has her scared me. It's like everything I knew and was prepared for was useless. We were back to square one of not knowing anything.

We had no leads, no suspects. Nothing and no one. And Maddox is still missing and I can't do one thing about it.

"This doesn't feel right Matt, we can't just sit here and do nothing. I can't just give up and forget." I told him starting to feel my heart race.

I felt scared and useless, I had a million things running through my mind. Each one heavy and stressful, each one fueling a fire. My heart started to race as my pulse quickened. I started to feel as if I couldn't breathe as if I couldn't catch my breath. My chest hurt as I tried my hardest to try and breathe but it's like I couldn't.

"Hey...Shawn chill out. Breathe." I heard Matt say.

I tired to stop it, to stop the squeezing in my chest. But it hurt, it's like my lungs were on fire. I then seen Jess walk towards me and she grabbed my hands in hers.

"Shawn you need to stop, you need to catch your breath. Just think about something or someone. Anything to focus on and try to breathe." She told me.

I then shut my eyes tight as I felt her hands squeeze mine I remembered. Back to only a few hours ago, it's as if she was holding my hands now. I focused on how hazel her eyes were, her smile when she laughed. Her laugh itself could make you laugh, but her lips.

How soft they were, how smooth and warm they felt against mine. How her personality illuminated the whole room whenever she walked in. How kind hearted she is and how outgoing despite her past. She was everything and more, she was a person I admired.

Someone not worthy of this world for it was too cruel and horrid. But she made it all bearable, she made it less dark...less lonely. She's someone I want to be around constantly, someone I wish I met sooner. Someone I have strong feelings for, and I wanted nothing more than to be holding her right now.

I then opened my eyes to find jess standing right in front of me. I looked over at Matt and he looked relieved. That's when I realized the burning in my chest subsided. My breathing was regular, my pulse was fine but my heart still ached.

"We have to find her Matt." I told him.

He nodded, "We will Shawn I promise, and when we do you gotta tell her how you feel. You don't have to go back and be alone, not when there's something incredible here."

I nodded my head, when we find her I'm not leaving. I don't want to and I won't. I never thought I would change my life around and forget everything I knew for some girl, but she's not some girl.

She's someone I need.

Authors Note//
Filler update but guys I have the biggest plans for this book I'm quaking
Let me know what you think
Until Next Time Peace Lovelies✌🏼💚