Nothing Holdin Me Back

XVIII

"This isn't going to be simple but it's what needs to be done."

•••

Maddox.

Three days, that's how long I went without talking or even seeing Shawn. I understood everything he told me the day I found out who he really was. Though it's not like I ran from my house to the cafe or to my work.

He very well could've been following or watching from a distance. There was just one thing that I couldn't wrap my head around is why me? Why was I being watched over? I am a orphaned nobody who's literally kept her head down all her life. I'm not sure why I'd be in danger.

"So you never told me what happened with Shawn." Jess said causing me to look at her.

"What?" I asked.

She sighed, "What happened? Did he do something? A few days ago you couldn't stop smiling and now it's like you have nothing to be happy about."

I pushed my plate away not hungry anymore. I stirred my spoon in my mug wanting to distract myself.

"We just found out we have a lot of differences. It wouldn't work." I lied.

Well I mean it wouldn't work he was going to leave. I'd stay here and we'd forget that this ever happened. I didn't want to go through the whole heartbreak. It was better this way, before things got way to far.

"Well no offense but you and Trevor were the exact opposite. Yet you both seemed to stay together before the dumbass decided to cheat." She defended.

I gave her a curious look, "Okay one why are you trying to defend Shawn when you didn't even trust him? And two yeah Trevor and I were exact opposites and look what happened."

She folded her towel before looking at me, "Mads I love you and I never seen you so happy than when you were with Shawn. I might've not trusted him as much but he made you smile and I've always wanted you to have absolute happiness."

I smiled and grabbed her hand in mine. I sighed before taking a drink from my coffee. Right before talking I set the cup back down and grabbed my bag.

"Thank you Jess but something's just don't work out." I told her before walking out.

I walked out and could feel someone following me. But like that one day when I was walking home at night the feeling wasn't fear. It was a familiar feeling, that's when I knew it was Shawn.

"I know you're there." I said out loud.

I stopped walking and looked behind myself and seen him. He wore a leather jacket with a navy blue shirt underneath. He also wore jeans, boots, and a baseball cap along with shades. He walked over towards me and took off his cap so he could run his fingers through them.

"Maddox, can we talk?" He asked as we continued walking.

I sighed, "I don't want to but I don't see the point in avoiding you when it's your job to follow me."

"Can we talk in private? Anyone could be watching or hearing." He told me.

I looked around and nodded, "Sure."

We continued to walk till we got to my apartment. We went up the few stairs and towards my door. I pulled the key from my bag and unlocked the wooden door. I pushed it open and let Shawn in, he brushed past me.

I closed and locked it behind us, I then put my bag down on the counter. I kicked off my shoes and walked over to my couch. I sat down and messed with the sleeves of my flannel.

"So are you just going to stand there or are you going to talk?" I asked.

He looked over at me and nodded, he took off his jacket, shades, and cap. He walked over and sat down at the other end of the couch. He twiddled with his fingers as he tried to find something to say.

"I'm sorry." He said breaking the painful silence.

He looked over at me and I knew he meant it, "You don't have to be sorry, you were doing your job. I'm the one that made you break the rules and let this get too far."

He shook his head, "It wasn't just you, I knew what I couldn't do. And yet I did it anyways, I risked my job and your safety. It was all my fault."

"Shawn it takes two people to mess something up. I ruined the mission, well the secret part of it." I told him.

He turned so his body was facing my direction, "Maddox I don't want to give you empty promises. Or make you think that there will be something after this. Because I'm not sure if there will, but I didn't fake any of what I told you when it came to how I felt about you."

My heart fluttered by what he said, but then the beginning haunted me. Empty promises and not knowing if there will be anything after this is over. Now I knew why he couldn't get attached.

I smiled, "I believe you, but I can't get my heart broken again. Trevor was an ass and I knew that but you were different. You were everything I wanted to have in a boyfriend but I realized it was just too good to be true and wouldn't last."

"Maddox if I could I would stay, and I would see what was here. But for your safety and for both of our sake we should keep this as friends." Shawn told me.

I nodded, "Yeah friends."

"I should go, but if you need anything just call." He told me as he stood up.

I followed his lead as he grabbed his cap and glasses before he walked towards my door. He unlocked it and opened it, I held it open as he walked out. He looked at me and gave me a small smile.

"Goodnight Maddox." He told me just like we did before everything happened.

"Goodnight Shawn." I said before watching him walk away.

I closed and locked the door behind me. I walked towards my purse and realized he left his jacket. I picked it up and held it towards my chest. I found myself smelling it and I was drowning in it.

I took it to my room and laid in bed with it. Despite everything we just talked about I wanted him laying here more than anything.

And I hated that he wasn't.

Authors Note//
Things are about to start get interesting
Let me know what you think
Until Next Time Peace Lovelies✌🏼💚