Nothing Holdin Me Back

XXI

"There's a piece of me missing."

•••

(Honestly listen to ALYLM, RL, and Memories)

Maddox.

I woke up to the sun beaming on my eyes. I squinted when I opened my eyes, I then rolled over to feel the emptiness of the bed. I opened my eyes fully and found the other side a mess and empty.

I sat up bringing my blanket up with since I wasn't wearing anything underneath. I looked around and seen his clothes missing, in a way I knew he'd be gone. That I'd wake up to an empty bed and he was missing. I was right, I got up and put on an oversized shirt.

I then slipped on my underwear and walked out into the kitchen. I seen a note that had my name on it as if it could've been left for someone else. I grabbed it and unfolded it, as I held the paper in my hand I could feel the indentation of his writing.

Dear Maddox,
I really wish I didn't leave, more than anything I wish I never got close to you. Not because you weren't worth getting close to because you are. I wish I didn't because it made this so much harder.

I had spent so many months building a wall and not wanting to find love again. I hoped I didn't because I never wanted to feel the pain of it when it ended. I never took this mission and came to LA to fall in love or even a relationship. Yet I couldn't get you out of my head and the more time I got to know you I knew I didn't want this to end.

But with my job I knew even if I stayed I'd be gone on missions. I couldn't bring myself to do that to you, I had made that mistake once before. So I knew I had to go as painful as it would be I'd deal with that then the pain of heartbreak.

I'm sorry I had to sneak out while you were asleep. But it was the only way that I would be able to leave because if I seen your face as I left I would've stayed. Though as much as I wish I could stay I can't. I hope you understand and maybe one day if fate had its way we'd meet again.

Take care Maddox ~S x

I wiped the tear that had rolled down my cheek before folding the paper. I was not going to cry over a boy, I told myself that years ago. But this wasn't some random boy that I knew was going to hurt me. Sure I didn't fully know who he was but with the time I spent with him I had loved him.

Yup I Maddox had fallen in love with someone I met weeks ago. I always looked at Disney princesses and think how on earth could they fall in love with someone they just met. Someone who didn't know much about them, and here I was doing just that.

Sure I didn't fall for Shawn the minute I met him and I definitely didn't marry him. But still in such little time I fell for him, but of course it was too fairytale like to be true. He will be back in New York going back to his regular life and working. Then I'll be here back to my boring life with work and school and hanging out with Jess at the cafe.

I took the paper to my room and opened up my favorite book. Peter Pan and placed the letter in it knowing I wouldn't lose it. I then set it down on my side table before picking up my room. I picked up all my scattered clothes and put them in my laundry basket.

I looked at the unmade messy bed the one where we both were laying. We got lost in each other and the way we moved. It wasn't the normal sex you have with some guy, it was more. It was slow and passionate. I guess what they say is true, there's a difference between sex and making love. But was it love? Or was it what I thought love was?

I shook my thoughts away before taking off the sheets and deciding to wash them. I walked into my restroom that had the washer and dryer and put them in. I started it up and went back into my room when I seen something sticking out from under my bed.

I bent down and grabbed it, when I pulled it out and noticed it was Shawn's jacket. The one he left that one night, I forgot I still had it. I held it and hoped it still smelled like him, I put it up to my nose and sure enough it did.

I sighed before hanging it up and placing it in my closet. I finished up cleaning before setting myself a bath. I had candles and music playing as I got in a laid down in the bath. I had bought a bath bomb because that's essential to my baths.

I just laid there staring up at the ceiling and just sat there thinking. About what happened in the last 12 hours and how fast it changed. How I went from being so happy to feeling like a piece of me was missing.

I then heard my phone ringing, thank god it was next to me though. I was not planning on moving until I was looking like a raisin. I stopped my music and answered the phone.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hey I thought we agreed to breakfast this morning?" I heard Jess ask.

"Oh my god I totally forgot just give me like ten minutes and I'll be there." I told her feeling awful.

She laughed, "No need I'm leaving I'll bring something over. Is everything okay?"

Thank god for Jess because I honestly didn't even feel like leaving my house. I literally sound so pathetic for this, I mean it's not the end of the world.

"Yeah why?" I asked as I put her on speaker and set my phone down.

"Because you missed breakfast and you just sound different. Did something happen last night?" She asked me.

I closed my eyes, "Yeah but I don't want to talk about it over the phone."

"Great I'll be over with food and my shoulder to cry on if you need it." She said.

I smiled at how sweet she was being, I'm glad I had someone like Jess in my life. I wouldn't know what to do without her.

"Okay well I have to finish up my bath, I'll see you when you get here." I told her.

"I'll see you soon Mads." She said before she hung up.

My music then resumed and I closed my eyes but when I did all I seen were his. His eyes and his smile, the way his arms hugged my body. The way I felt in his arms and how comforting they were, and just how we fit together.

Like missing puzzle pieces.

Authors Note//
Aww my heart
Let me know what you think
Until Next Time Peace Lovelies✌🏼💚