Rebel Town Reviews [OPEN]

The Adoption Review

The Adoption 

by 

Dreamer4lyf

Reviewed by 

RolandCorban

Cover:

The cover for the book is fitting for the story, I believe. It is also slightly creepy, for me at least. Good choice for covers.

Title:

I love the simplicity of the title. It is concise and descriptive on what the story is about.

Grammar/Sentence Structure:

Some of the sentences are hard to understand in the story. The word choices are odd, to me. There are many uses of ellipses, and that slows the story down. There are times where capitalizations and apostrophes are missing. However, if one is able to read around these things, the story is interesting.

Vocabulary/Descriptions:

The story is told more so than shown. I didn't get any immediacy from any of the scenes. Text speak is used in the story, and that is very distracting. 'u' instead of 'you' is an example of this.

Character Development/Pace:

The story moves very quickly. I did not become attached to any of the characters. It is hard to explain the art of showing rather than telling. However, I can provide an example.

He picked up the water.

The man yawned and reached a hesitant arm toward the glass of water.

This is probably a terrible example, but I feel that the second option brings the reader into the scene. It shows characteristics of the man, and the scene. For me, anyway, reading the two, I cannot really picture a scene in the first telling. However, the second telling is showing me what is going on. Showing rather than telling is better. It will bring the characters to life. He is clearly tired. Why is he hesitant? Worried the glass will tip over perhaps? Is the glass hot? For me, the whole story was told rather than shown.

Overall thoughts: The author made note of wanting to write in one go with no mistakes. This could explain where the mistakes came from. It isn't possible, in my estimation, to write something perfect the first, second, or even third time. Editing is an integral part of writing, and it could go on forever. I would caution the author to take more time when writing. Don't worry about making it perfect. Write, edit, edit some more. And then post. Overall, the story is decent. Looking past grammar and syntax, the story has substance. With some solid editing, the story could be magnificent.

Note: The review book offers several options. To review only grammar and sentence structure. To review only character development and plot. To review only vocabulary and descriptions. Or, the requester can ask for all of this to be reviewed. There are two options when making this request – for it to be sugar-coated or not. 

This review is for the sugar coated version of all of it.