Rebel Town Reviews [OPEN]

Cruel World (Chapters 1 - 3) - @ABLACKGOTHIC

Cruel World (Chapters 1 - 3) by ABLACKGOTHIC

Reviewed by ESHurricane

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Overview

Cruel World is a believably gritty take on the Harry Styles fanfiction genre. It's set in the early nineties and portrays him as a damaged and lonely drug addicted rock star that's trying to fill a void inside himself. While this is a stereotype amongst musician stories over the ages, I find it fresh amongst this specific genre, especially because the story is told as a fictional autobiography of the main love interest, Harry's male bodyguard.

I definitely found myself wishing there were more than three chapters of this story.

Cover/Title

I have mixed feelings about the cover. The photo is not the greatest quality and the title seems an odd choice with colourful tilted letters... but being a 90s kid myself, it so fits the era. I think the Parental Advisory sticker in the corner is clever as well, especially because this story definitely deserves it.

The title is fitting, even from the little I've read, and it packs a punch. The world is cruel, and Harry's story doesn't beat around the bush about it.

Summary/Description

Straightforward and to the point, and I like it. The only thing I'd change is that there is a capital at And in the middle of a sentence.

Hook

I like how the story begins with a warning to the reader about how they might be sharing things that aren't necessarily legal or that they could even get offed sharing the information. The first line, however, I feel could be stronger.

To many who are reading this, I give you fair warning and a favor. I feel like it contradicts itself, because literally everyone who is reading it will receive the warning. Also, what's the favour? Is the warning a favour to the readers? It seems unclear to me and raises the kind of question that really pull me out of a story.

I feel like the story could really come in with a bang if it led with a combination of the second and third lines, something like: The story I am about to tell you will most definitely get a plunder of attention from the high-powered people in this corrupted industry.

Something like that sets the scene and gives an element of danger and intrigue that draws me in and makes me want to know what's so intense in the story that will get the wrong kind of attention from dangerous people.

All in all though, I do like the opening 'I shouldn't be telling you this but I need to share it with the world' kind of reporting. It gives a raw autobiography feel that carries through the narrative nicely.

Grammar/Structure

There were no glaring grammar issues, but I did notice a bit of inconsistency with the dialogue in the form of tags, punctuation, and capitalization. Remember, if a tag denotes speaking (said, asked) then it's a proper tag and the dialogue needs to be connected to it like this:

"You're Italian!" he pointed out.

Even though there's an exclamation mark, the tag is lowercase because it needs to be connected to the dialogue since it denotes speaking. If it wasn't an exclamation or a question, then a comma would be used, like this:

"John. John Koi," I said, rather bluntly.

If the tag doesn't denote speaking, then it's called an action beat, and needs to be separate from the dialogue, like this:

He inhaled the last bit of his cigarette and then flicked the bud into the ashtray. "And of course Josh found out, and has been going ham on me all morning."

When a new piece of dialogue is beginning, as in the above example, a capital letter should be used. However, if there are two pieces split up, then it can be lowercase, like this:

"Well yeah," I said, looking him up and down, "you didn't expect me to stay forever, did you?"

If it's an action beat in the middle, then it would be punctuated with periods and use capitals, like this:

"Well yeah." I looked him up and down. "You didn't expect me to stay forever, did you?"

Another little thing I noticed was comma use, in and out of the narrative. What I like to do is read things out loud when I take a natural breath, that's where I put a comma. For complicated sentences it can be difficult, like this one:

"No, no, I don't, Harry. But it's fine, I'll call a cab."

I added some commas and broke it up with a period to make the flow of it read a bit more natural.

Characters

So, a lot of people tend to write Harry Styles as this just insufferable asshole. Here, he's a bit of a dick, but it's in a sad and kind of endearing way because he's just living the life that he was given. And his interactions with John are realistic and believable for the situation.

A good example of this is just the heartbreaking post-concert scene where he tells John that he hurts inside and just wants to be happy. It shows that even through the swearing (which is organic and well done for character voice) and the partying he's just trying to find happiness.

John is a fantastic well-rounded character, and my favourite part about him is that he's not starstruck by Harry. He says that it's weird to be around somebody so famous, but not really crazy bad or good, just odd. It's an interesting take and makes John very likable to me because he's just a regular dude and treats Harry like a regular dude.

Both of them have incredibly clear and concise voices and I love reading their conversations.

Narrative

The narrative isn't overpowering and I love that, and it just bleeds over from John's voice because it's in first-person POV. I enjoy his inner monologue a lot, and I definitely like being in his head. It's nice because he's such a quiet thoughtful person, and Harry is this flamboyant dude, so I get John's reaction innately even though he's barely giving Harry anything verbally. It's a cool back-and-forth that I like being privy to as the story plays out.

Closing Comments

Overall, I'm super into this story. I feel like it's going to be a delicious slow burn romance that may or may not be toxic but not glorify it, just be real about it. I'd love to see it get a full beta treatment to tighten up the prose a bit and just grow and evolve into a beautiful butterfly. Definitely keeping my eye on this one!