Rebel Town Reviews [OPEN]

Inner Demons (Chapters 11-24) Review

Inner Demons (Chapters 11-24)

by ---Free---

Reviewed
by AmyMarieZ

Overview: This review is of chapters 11 through 24 of the story Inner Demons. In the first ten chapters, main character Chloe arrives at Landry's, a juvenile detention center. She and six of the other teenagers there (Wes, Sage, Declan, Lucus, Lolly, and Alicia) who all committed violent acts they cannot remember, discover that they have demon blood, and each possess special powers.

In this set of chapters, the plot progresses, and the teens discover that they must train to fight the Gate Keepers – demons looking to wreak havoc on earth. However, they also learn about some of the more sinister consequences of using their powers, as well as dealing with the menacing other students at the school. The chapters also include an enjoyable amount of teenage drama, romance, jealousy, and even the stress of an upcoming dance at the school. The plot is packed with excitement, and the characters pull the reader in!

Structure: The story is written in the first person past tense in Chloe's point of view. The structure of chapters 11 through 24 is consistent with the previous chapters. Each chapter is well thought out, presenting useful and important information and driving the plot forward.

Grammar: Overall, the grammar of the story is very good. During the scene while Chloe and the others are watching the video of her committing her violent crime, there are some issues with the narration switching to present tense. Other than that, there are no major grammatical problems. The chapters seems to be in a draft state, so there are numerous typos and missing or misplaced words. However, all of these are minor issues and are not enough to detract from the reading experience.

Pace: The pace of the story as a whole is excellent. Each chapter progresses the main plot of the story and presents new events and mystery to hold the reader's interest. Even though the chapters drive the plot forward quickly, the author has still included plenty of details of characterization and realism. This prevents the story from feeling like it is being rushed in any way.

In chapters 1-10, there were a few locations where the scene setting descriptions seemed to be too much and slowed the pace. However, in chapters 11-24 this is not the case at all. In fact, the only scene between chapters 11-24 where the pace of an individual scene feels too slow because of excessive scene setting description is the scene when Chloe and the others arrive at Freya's house after Sage has been injured. The house is described in detail right in the middle of the intense scene. While the description is actually not too long at all and is very interesting, it seems as though it might fit better if it was pushed back to some point in the story after the excitement has died down a bit so it doesn't break that intense moment, or if it was abbreviated somewhat to keep the action going.