Rebel Town Reviews [OPEN]

Necromancer (Chapter 1 - 5) - @FrankFuhrur

Necromancer (Chapter 1 - 5) by FrankFuhrur 

Reviewed by AmyMarieZ

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Overview: Necromancer is a fun mashup of fantasy, paranormal, adventure, and teen fiction. With memorable, unique, and likeable characters, it's easy to get sucked into reading!

Grammar: I noticed a few recurring grammatical issues in the first five chapters of Necromancer. One frequent issue was verb tense switches. In the first paragraph of chapter 1, for example, there were multiple tense shifts. The first two sentences are in the past tense with the verbs "swept" and "stood". The third sentence is in the present tense with "groan". The fourth sentence is in both the past and present tense with "open" and then "was showing" and "was no use." The switches in verb tense continue throughout the story. I would highly suggest picking either the past or present tense and then giving all chapters a thorough proofread to ensure that all tenses are consistent.

Writing Structure & Style: I thought the first person perspective worked well in this story to give me a good window into the protagonist's thoughts. It helped me to feel connected to Hue and what he was thinking and experiencing. I really enjoyed the narration at the beginning of the first chapter where Hue describes the different magical abilities that can be inherited. I felt like I could feel the his personality and how he feels about his own magical powers during this segment.

I didn't mind the switch in POV between the characters throughout the story. However, I felt like at some times it was slightly confusing, particularly when the POV switched in the middle of chapter 3. I was unsure at first whose perspective chapter 4 was in as well. I thought maybe it was Emma's because in chapter 1 Hue seemed to work as a sort of teacher, but now he seems to work in some sort of office. I think simply writing the character's name in bold or italics at the beginning of parts where it switches could help clear this up.

In general, the writing style is clear and accessible. It's pleasant to read which makes the story easy to follow and enjoyable. I noticed that a number of sentences had odd sentence structure or didn't read smoothly because they had misused verbs. I'd suggest watching out for passive voice and proofreading, perhaps by reading aloud, to find locations where sentences don't read quite right

Pace: The pacing of this story is a bit slow at the beginnnig my opinion. Scenes seem to be dragged out longer than they need to be. For example, in the middle of chapter two, the dialog between Nekko, Mimiku, Emma and Hue was a bit distracting from the plot progression, in my opinion. It was good banter, but I thought trimming it down to what is necessary to convey the scene could have helped push the plot along more. The scene started to gain more of a focus when Hue and Emma go out onto the beach and he gives her the gift.

The story is slow to get to the main plot point, which doesn't come through until chapter four. The events of chapters one, two and three are entertaining and give a good introduction to the characters and the world. However, streamlining some of the events of these chapters might help with the pacing and getting the reader to the real hook sooner. Another consideration could be including more hints about the main plot to come in the earlier chapters.

Character Development: I like how in chapter 1 we are introduced to a unique and memorable character. The fact that Hue is a Necromancer living in a magical world makes me curious about him. I wonder what his powers are and how they will play into the story. Hue has a well defined voice that gives me an idea about his character. From the narration, I gather that he is a well meaning and fairly nice guy. His voice doesn't come across as extremely strong or opinionated, but he does a good job of conveying his story.