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Reminisce (Chapters 1-5) @millianna_ohwode

Reminisce - (Chapters 1-5) by millianna_ohwode

Reviewed by _GinaLexis_

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Overview: Reminisce is a love story of two childhood sweethearts, their sudden separation, and eventual meeting. It paints the plethora of emotions felt by them as they struggle to move on with their lives with only the memories of each other to rely on. It depicts the woe of separation and the joy of reunion with an equal mix of reality dabbed onto the story.

Grammar/Writing style: Writing in the present tense is a tricky thing and getting it right can be an ordeal. But, somehow, the writer makes it work in this story, well, most of the times. In chapter three, I found some jerky sentences caused due to the chosen tense.

The reason for this is mainly because the narration is taking place along with the action. This means that the 'past' of the action is the 'past' of the narration and 'future' of the action is the 'future' of narration. This is unlike stories using past tense, as they are usually narrated at a set point, after all the action is done which puts all the 'times' of the story in the past and it makes for an easier read.

The first part of the story notifies readers of the edits that are currently taking place. The writer has let us know that half of the chapters have already been revised and the rest are being done slowly. Well, the editing must have worked for I had to read thrice before spotting errors.

I have mentioned the errors and typos that I did end up finding, below for convenience:

"Pizza with lot of cabs" – typo

Correction: carbs

"witch who's got a love portion" – typo

Correction: love potion

"...louder cries, stronger fights, piercer screams..."

Correction: more piercing screams

"Her face, I always saw..." – wrong structuring of sentence

Correction: I always saw her face...

At least these ones are jealous about what they believe is your success.

Correction: The word 'ones' is not required, consider removing it.

"Ghazi the wild and spontaneous" – Always use a comma after a name.

Correction: "Ghazi, the wild and spontaneous"

A recurring flaw I have noticed in the writing is the oddity of dialogues. The dialogues don't seem like natural conversations. This is because of contractions, or lack thereof. Contractions make speech sound casual and believable. Some examples from the book are given below for convenience:

"Then no buts. Let us hurry" [End of Chapter 4]

Correction: "Then no buts. Let's hurry."

"It has been too long" [Chapter 4, third paragraph]

Correction: "It's been too long."

Although it is noticeable that the writer has tried her best to show the story, I did spot some telling sentences. Chapter 3 onwards the telling sentences are more in number compared to the showing ones. This also influences the pace of the story which will be discussed in detail in the later parts of this review. Misuse of commas and run on sentences are scattered about here and there, but editing once more can easily correct them.

Character/Development: Only four important characters have been introduced in the five chapters. Our woeful Romeo - Eden, his elusive Juliet - Cassandra/Red, Red's pimp with questionable morals – Miguel and Eden's close friend with boyish charms – Ghazi. I'd like to explore each of them one at a time.

[Please note: Everything written here are the impressions that I got after reading five chapters of the story, plus assumptions made about individual character arcs. The writer's surprises in the future chapters are definitely welcome]

Eden: The first character to be introduced and the one with the most depth is Eden. He has never gotten over the sudden disappearance of his childhood sweetheart. Even after many years, everything around him reminds him of her. The waves, the colours, the patterns, everything. While this may come as sweet, romantic, and sad, sometimes it borders on obsession. He is very hard to figure out. He seems to be easily stirred by Cassandra. Yet, when he sees her in the club wearing practically nothing and pole dancing for a bunch of sleazy men, he doesn't get affected by it. Later, when he gets the chance to personally meet her, he doesn't show the natural anger that a forlorn lover would feel. Instead, he comforts her and lets her part again. Should he be considered as a human being with a high EQ? Then why was he so affected by her before? This is inconsistent on the part of the character.

Cassandra/Red: The elusive lover whose reasons for running away from her former life are unknown. Cassandra and Red in the story, seem to be two different people. I applaud the amazing ability of the writer, that made this possible. When Eden describes Cassandra of his memories, unbeknownst to him, he is providing a beautiful contrast to the person she is now, Red. The questions of what changed her, who she was then then and who exactly she is now keep running in my head as I read. It's obvious that Cassandra was much less exposed to the horrific world outside when compared to Red. Although they are the same people, Red has this feel of grimness and silent endurance around her that brings about an elevation in her character.

Miguel and Ghazi: These two characters are introduced in the later parts of the chapters, so, I couldn't get much about them. Miguel seems to be a stereotypical pimp. Red does imply in one of her narrations that he has erratic moods. What the writer would make of him is something even I am curious about. Ghazi is just a much-needed jovial friend in the life of our stricken protagonist. Does he become much more than that? I don't know...yet.

There hasn't been much development in these characters, but that's because only five chapters are not enough for it.

Vocabulary/ Descriptions: The writer showcases an amazing ability to move the hearts of the readers right from the beginning of the story. The descriptions are on the point and the choice of words, exemplary. I have almost no qualms in this section. The one thing that I would like to say is that the descriptions sometimes gets repetitive, especially Eden's internal monologues. This could be deliberate on the part of the writer but it does bring down the pace of the story at times. Making changes to this, however, is in the writer's discretion.

Pace: The pace of the story is an issue. The first two chapters and the next three seem like two different stories. The former is very slow, drawn out and deep, the latter, very quick. From the third chapter onwards, the story moves at a sudden fast pace. This comes as a jolt to the readers who are used to reading the soft and melancholic thoughts of Eden in the first two chapters. In order to correct this, both the halves must be altered to bring them closer to the other. The fourth and fifth chapters especially felt very action driven. I have noticed that the strength of the writer lies in the descriptions of perceptions. My suggestion is to use this more to an advantage. Balance of pace is very important in a story.

Plot: The plot of separation and reunion of lovers is not new. The Greek mythologies always had them. In fact, no idea is completely original according to me. Everything is inspired from something. But how one takes something that's been done before and makes it his own, shows his competence. The writer of Reminisce is definitely competent. She has taken an existing idea, but given it new depth, understanding and emotions. The premise is also to some extent unique. The reason behind the separation has been left a mystery. This makes an interesting plot.

Summary: Reminisce was a joy to read. It is always wonderful to see a writer so dedicated. The exhaustive editing that's currently being done shows it. The first two chapters were so poetic and beautiful. The descriptions in the story always brought out the desired emotions in me. One example of this would be the description of Red's abuse. The skin crawling sensation did not leave me for quite some time and that is a job well done. The story is mature and might not be everyone's cup of tea. But, the flow, the plot, the rich emotions and the deep characters are definitely worth reading.