Rebel Town Reviews [OPEN]

The Butterfly Crown (Chapters 1 - 5) - @thebutterflycrown

The Butterfly Crown (Chapters 1 - 5) by thebutterflycrown

Reviewed by AmyMarieZ

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Overview: The Butterfly Crown is a fantasy story about two princesses, Keeva and Avala Douglas. On the night before Keeva's coronation, she runs away to pursuit adventure, leaving Avala to deal with the repercussions of her actions and take on the responsibility of the throne.

Structure: The story is written in split first-person point of view. Every other chapter switches between Keeva and Avala telling the story. This style works well for this specific story, because Keeva and Avala are both in different locations, so each of their perspectives provide unique elements of plot development. Keeva's perspective shows her adventures and the world outside of the castle, while Avala's perspective shows what is going on within the castle walls as the kingdom searches for Keeva, and then eventually deals with the fact that she is gone.

Another reason why this style works well with this story is that each of the sisters have a distinct personality and narrative voice. Keeva is philosophical, adventurous, and curious. Meanwhile, Avala is more outspoken and in some ways selfish.

Grammar: The grammar in The Butterfly Crown is an area that could use a bit of polishing. Sentences throughout the story are worded oddly or do not make complete sense. The author informed me that English is not her first language, so my suggestion would be to find an editor or join a book club to get a second set of eyes on each chapter. I have pointed out many of the locations where I noticed oddly worded sentences and grammatical mistakes inline and offered suggestions, however I have not caught all of them. In this review, I will focus on two specific reoccurring issues I noticed.

First, I noticed errors with punctuation around dialog. When dialog is written in quotation marks, the period at the end of the dialog or the comma before a dialog tag should be placed within the quotation marks. For example, in chapter one:

"Everything is better than Melar,". I told him.

Should be punctuated as:

"Everything is better than Melar," I told him.

A comma is placed after the dialog but within the quotation marks, followed by the dialog tag. A period after the dialog is not required.

Similarly:

"Princess Avala, you have to wake up!".

Should be punctuated:

"Princess Avala, you have to wake up!"

No period is required after the dialog, even though no tag is used.

Finally:

"It would never be my intention to trash anything", I replied a sweet smile on my lips.

Should be punctuated:

"It would never be my intention to trash anything," I replied, a sweet smile on my lips.

Since a dialog tag is used, a comma follows "anything." (I also added a comma after "replied" to set off "a sweet smile on my lips.")

In summary, punctuation always goes within quotation marks for dialog. There should not be a comma or period after the end quote of dialog. When a dialog tag is used, a comma, question mark, or exclamation mark should follow the piece of dialog. When a dialog tag is not used or the dialog is followed by an action, the dialog should end with a period, question mark, or exclamation mark within the quotes. The action that follows begins a new sentence.