Rebel Town Reviews [OPEN]

Missing... Review

Missing...

By 

Miss_Guided01

Reviewed 

by 

AmyMarieZ

Overview: Missing... is a short horror/mystery. The story follows Maya, a successful cop who solves cases faster than anyone. But when she is challenged by her boss to solve 27 missing persons cases that are all somehow connected in just 2 days, she is driven to the edge. Heading onto the streets, she finds dark forces may be at work in the tunnel near where many of the people have gone missing.

Structure: Missing... is a very short story broken up into four different parts. It is told in the first-person point of view of Maya, the main character trying to solve the missing persons cases. The story begins with her speaking to her boss, Michael about the cases and receiving instruction. In the second part, the story jumps to Maya on the street, a transition that flows clearly and effortlessly. However, near the beginning of the second part, a very brief flashback is included that feels a bit abrupt. Smoothing out the transition into and out of the flashback could help improve the flow of the second part. The third and fourth parts of the story include the climax and the resolution.

Grammar: Overall, the grammar in the story is good. However, there are multiple typos, missed words, wrong words and other grammatical errors as well as a few tense shifts. While the number of mistakes is not very high, because the story is so short they stand out more. A good proof read could easily catch these mistakes.

Pace: The story feels a bit too short for the plot, so the pace seems fast throughout. For example, in the first part, the dialog between Maya and Michael is very brief. Including just a bit more discussion about the case between the two characters could help give the story a bit more setup and introduce the characters more, making the story feel more real.

The pacing in the second part of the story is natural and the action flows at real time. However, in the third part of the story, it seems like the realization of what was going on is reached just a bit too quickly. Slowing down the pace to include a bit more description, scene setting, and suspense could help make the final reveal a bit more dramatic and achieve a stronger effect.

Character Development: For as short as the story is, character development is well done. The character Michael is introduced with an interesting and captivating description. Although this description is not worked into the action fully, the way the description is presented is appealing and really adds to the atmosphere of the story, so it works extremely well. The characterization of Maya is well shown through her actions and narration.

Dialog is one area where the character development could be improved. In some locations, for example the discussion between Maya and Michael in the first part, the dialog does not feel natural or make complete sense logically. More focus on what characters might say, know, and think in a situation, as well as the connections and conclusions characters would likely draw based on events and what they might infer about each other could help make the dialog seem more real.

Vocabulary/Description: The descriptions in the story are well written and interesting. The vocabulary is varied, and the descriptions are creatively crafted to develop the atmosphere and suspense. The variety in the descriptions and language makes the story a dynamic and enjoyable read. However, on occasion, descriptions are a bit repetitive. Removing some of the unintentional repetition could improve the effect of many of the descriptions and make them stronger overall. For example, in some locations sentences that provide only description could be easily condensed into the action sentences and provide the same information with a stronger effect and more natural flow. Additionally, use of same words in close proximity could be avoided to make the descriptions flow just a bit better.

Plot: They mystery of the plot holds the interest of the reader throughout. The plot includes great elements of cop thriller as well as supernatural horror, and combines them in a chilling way! The ending of the story is satisfying and makes sense. However, the writing feels a bit brief for the story that is being told. It seems like a bit more set up at the beginning and building of suspense during the middle could really increase the impact of the final surprise at the end!

Summary: Missing... combines mystery and horror to create a story that is both thrilling and spooky! With compelling characters and an unexpected but well-thought-out ending, it has the potential to really stick in a reader's mind. The eerie atmosphere and descriptions make this story stand out.

Note: The review book offers several options. To review only grammar and sentence structure. To review only character development and plot. To review only vocabulary and descriptions. Or, the requester can ask for all of this to be reviewed. There are two options when making this request – for it to be sugar-coated or not.

This review is for it all to be touched on (not sugar-coated).