Rebel Town Reviews [OPEN]

The Stars Call (Chapters 7-11) - @Birdpaw

The Stars Call (Chapters 7-11) by Birdpaw

Reviewed by AmyMarieZ

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Overview: The Stars Call is a science-fiction fantasy story taking place after the end of a long war between two forces: the Galactic Sanctum and the First Insurgency. The story follows a group of mercenaries, hired by the Sanctum to research and fight a deadly virus destroying the galaxy.

In the first few chapters of the story, the members of the crew of mercenaries are introduced. As the crew completes various missions, information is revealed about the virus, as well as other threats in the expanse of space where the mercenaries operate. The sixth chapter leaves off right after the main character Nyra and the Aelius, the doctor, have returned from a mission to the planet Eteran. Suspicions in the crew rise about Aelius's motives for the mission, so Nyra and Keren are sent back to the planet secretly to investigate further.

Grammar: Overall, the grammar in The Stars Call is well done. There are almost no typos, and no major grammatical issues that interrupt the flow of the story significantly.

One minor grammar issue that crops up throughout the story is the comma splice. While it is not an extremely disruptive grammatical mistake, correcting these could give the writing a more polished feel. One example of a comma splice in chapter 7 would be:

Nyra and Keren sat at the bar, a young bartender walked up to them, a smile on her face.

This is a comma splice because two complete sentences are joined with only a comma. Because two complete sentences are on either side of the comma, a conjunction is required to form a combined sentence. Conversely, the sentence could be broken into two sentences. The sentence could also be reworded. Any of these are options that would remove the comma splice:

Nyra and Keren sat at the bar. A young bartender walked up to them, a smile on her face.

Nyra and Keren sat at the bar, and a young bartender walked up to them, a smile on her face.

As Nyra and Keren sat down at the bar, a young bartender walked up to them, a smile on her face.

Pace: The story is well paced in general. While things take time to really get going, in chapters seven through eleven of The Stars Call, the story heats up! New characters, such as the Rebel Leader Rayan, are introduced, as well as interesting plot developments such as the backstory of the destruction of the hospital on Eteran. Suspicions about members within the crew of the ship rise, pushing the pace along further.

The only location where the story seems to drag slightly is right at the beginning of chapter nine when Keren and Mara are having a snack. Although the scene it develops the characters and is fun to read, the nature of the conversation is not highly intriguing or suspenseful. The chapter may benefit from cutting some of this scene to get to the action a bit sooner or adding a few more elements into the scene to develop tension and suspense around the plot to come.

Individual scenes in The Stars Call flow at a real time pace that is easy to visualize. However, there are a few locations where the pace is slightly fast. For example, in chapter 9, the scene where Mara is shocked by the engine kicking into hyperdrive is a highly intense and exciting scene, but it seems like it may be slightly rushed.

The only persistent issue with pacing throughout the story is with transitions, specifically when characters move from one location to another. For example, in chapter seven, Nyra and others go into and out of a town on Eteran a number of times. Each time, this transition feels rushed, making it difficult to picture the town and its size. Slowing down the transition and providing a bit more detail about the town itself might make the scenes easier to visualize. Since the same transition occurs a number of times, character introspective thoughts could also be used in the narration during the transition to avoid rehashing similar descriptions each time.