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My Boyfriend Is a Heavenly Body (Chapters 1-5) - @StarHues

My Boyfriend Is a Heavenly Body (Chapters 1 -5) by StarHues

Reviewed by AmyMarieZ

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Overview: My Boyfriend is a Heavenly Body is a fantasy story that features a romance between two boys (bxb). After main character Louise's long-term boyfriend unexpectedly breaks up with him, Louise is heartbroken and in desperation leaps from a cliff to commit suicide. However, before he leaps, he makes a wish—to be saved by someone who will love him and mend his broken heart.

Across the galaxy, the celestial being Altair decides to break away from his orbit in search of a more meaningful existence. He finds himself taking human form and falling towards Earth where he hears Louise's wish. Altair is compelled to save him from his fall.

However, saving Louise from his fall is only the first of their worries! Together, Louise and Altair must face forces throughout the universe that are after the star's heart!

Grammar: The grammar in My Boyfriend is a Heavenly Body is decent, but there are many oddly worded sentences, as well as frequent tense shifts that disrupt the flow of the narrative.

Oddly worded sentences disrupt the flow of the narrative frequently. One example noticed throughout the story is comma placement around participial phrases. (Participial phrases are phrases where a verb is used as an adjective modifying a noun.) When the participial phrase is necessary to the meaning of the sentence, no commas are used. When it is extra information and the sentence can function fine without it, it should be offset by commas. For example, in chapter two:

"Aw, that's too boring," Rigel said letting go a small yawn.

The participial phrase is "letting go a small yawn". Because the sentence still conveys its meaning without the participial phrase, there should be a comma after "said":

"Aw, that's too boring," Rigel said, letting go a small yawn.

Another example would be in chapter three:

"Your grandpa is now in heaven, sweetie." She replied hugging me tightly as tears flooded her eyes.

There should be a comma after "replied", because the sentence can still function without the participial phrase "hugging me tightly..." Additionally, since a dialog tag is used, there should be comma after "sweetie" rather than a period, and "she" should be lowercase:

"Your grandpa is now in heaven, sweetie," she replied, hugging me tightly as tears flooded her eyes.

An example of a participial phrase where the phrase is necessary to the meaning of the sentence would be: "Altair saved the boy falling to his death." (Note, this is just an example for clarity and is not an example from the text.) In this case, the participial phrase "falling to his death" specifies which boy Altair saved. Because the sentence would not have the same meaning without it, it is not offset by commas.

Another notable thing about sentence structure in the story was the placement of adverbs such as "immediately," particularly in sentences containing the word "was". For example, in the prologue:

The feeling of achievement immediately was replaced with pain and dread as a black sword impaled him from the back.

Because the word "immediately" is modifying "replaced," the sentence would read more smoothly if "immediately" were placed next to "replaced" rather than next to "achievement":