Rebel Town Reviews [OPEN]

The Stars Call (Chapter 12-16) - @Birdpaw

The Stars Call (Chapters 12-16) by Birdpaw

Reviewed by AmyMarieZ

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Overview: The Stars Call is a science-fiction fantasy story. Taking place after the end of a long war between the Galactic Sanctum and the First Insurgency, the story follows a group of mercenaries, hired by the Sanctum to research and fight a deadly virus destroying the galaxy.

In the preceding chapters, the crew perform various missions. The group encounter the mysterious leader of the Rebel group, Rayan when he boards their ship. Right after he leaves, a mysterious space ship that seems to be animalistic in nature begins to hunt down the crew.

Grammar: The grammar in The Stars Call is well done in general. There are minimal typos. However, there are a number of noticeable but not disruptive grammatical errors.

One grammatical issue is the comma splice. It isn't particularly disruptive, but the frequency of comma splices does become somewhat distracting while reading. Essentially, comma splices are when two independent clauses are joined with only a comma. The clauses on each side of the comma could stand alone as their own sentence. Because of this, comma splices are very easy to remove by simply replacing the comma with a period to break up the sentence, adding a conjunction, or rephrasing the sentence.

There were also a number of locations where punctuation around dialog was incorrect. Some of these locations have been pointed out inline. Because the focus of this review is not grammar, this point will not be elaborated on further.

Proofreading with special attention to comma splices and dialog punctuation is suggested to polish off the writing.

Pace: The pacing of these five chapters of The Stars Call is excellent. It's amazing how much action and drama are packed into just three chapters. The quick pace keeps the reader pulled into the story!

The only major issue with pacing in these chapters is with transitions. For example, in chapter 13, when Keren crash lands on Eteran, it seems like he literally lands a couple of feet from Marn, Nyra, and Aelius's campsite. Unless this is the case (which would mean the characters should possibly be more worried about being hit by the incoming ship), the transition should be smoothed out for clarity. Just one or two sentences or even a paragraph showing the characters heading over to the sight of the crash could help lay the scene out a bit more coherently.

A similar problem occurrs when the characters infiltrate the Insurgent camp. Unless the camp is literally right around the corner, a bit more time could be spent showing them travelling there to help the reader understand the proximity of the locations.

Character Development: Chapter twelve is almost entirely action. Therefore, there was not much character development. However, this was fitting of the chapter. By this point in the story, the reader already has a good idea of each character's personality. For example, James behaves as a reader would expect, looking out for his crew and maintaining a brave face even when he is hurting.

In chapter 13, Keren crash lands on Eteran near Nyra, Marn, and Aelius's camp site. Keren stays in character, being a bit goofy as he explains to the group that he has a map showing how they can infiltrate the Insurgent's hideout. Although the characters are aware of Aelius's intentions for revenge on the Insurgents,, they go along with helping him sneak into the camp anyway.

Once they get there, they split up—Nyra and Keren going one direction and Aelius and Marn going another. When Nyra and Keren hear gunshots, they react a little oddly. At first, they seem startled, but then they go back to joking around as they head towards the source. Both characters are naïve, but it seems slightly odd for even a naïve character to be so upbeat after hearing gunshots, especially considering the fact that their friends are unaccounted for. It might make sense for the characters to be slightly more concerned, perhaps worrying more about the wellbeing of their friends.