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The Stars Call (Chapters 18-22) - @Birdpaw

The Stars Call (Chapters 18-22) by Birdpaw

Reviewed by AmyMarieZ

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Overview: The Stars Call is a science-fiction fantasy story taking place after the end of a long war between the Galactic Sanctum and the First Insurgency. The story follows a group of mercenaries, hired by the Sanctum to research and fight a deadly virus destroying the galaxy.

In the preceding chapters, Nyra and Marn are attacked by a mutated Gorgot on the moon Kestra. They end up bringing Aaron, a stranger who saves them by killing the monster, to the ship. After returning, strange malfunctions begin to occur on the ship, leaving Aaron suspect.

Grammar: Since this is the fourth review I have done of this story, I won't reiterate the review of the grammar. Similar minor errors were seen in these chapters as in previous chapters, but overall the grammar was good.

Pace: In chapter 18, Nyra and Aelius return to Kestra to see if they can figure anything else out about the Gorgot attack. The scene while they are snooping around the orphanage seems very quick. Slowing the pace down in this scene and including more detail and suspense could make this part of the chapter more thrilling and engaging.

After snooping around the orphanage quickly, the characters head outside and see Rayan holding a rebel gathering in a square there. This part of the chapter also feels a bit too quick, making it hard to visualize and absorb what is going on. The fast pace at the beginning of the chapter makes it a bit difficult to follow the rest of the chapter because so much information has already been presented very quickly. Splitting the chapter after the trip to Kestra, as well as developing the scenes themselves, might be a good way to help a reader reset and prepare to take in more information.

In chapter 19, the pacing is also fairly quick. Nyra has been captured by Aaron and brought to Rayan, however she is almost immediately rescued after having a conversation with Rayan. Building a bit more suspense while she is waiting in the room rather than having her immediately go to sleep could have helped to make the reader a bit more concerned about her. This could be a good location to develop her fear of abandonment a bit more. The scene while she is waiting in the room could showing the reader more of the fears and worries going through her head while simultaneously incorporating some nervous actions.

Chapter 20 is another attack from the now infamous Destroyer. The pacing in this chapter is slower than in the previous ones, which works really well! Enough time is spent developing the scene to really give the reader a sense of distress and concern for the characters. It makes for a thrilling read. Another reason why the pacing of this chapter feels more balanced may be because it focuses on only one event. The chapter has a more cohesive feel than previous chapters and is easier to take in.

As a whole, chapter 21 is fairly well paced. It has a strong focus—the characters looking for Aelius after he goes missing. The one area where the pace seems to be slightly rushed is the transition of the characters getting to Eteran. Something I've noticed as I've been reading this story is that there are a lot of scene changes. Many of them are very brief and simply involve characters going somewhere to get other characters. Something that may help to make the story a bit easier to follow would be to simply cut down on the number of scene changes. Every time the scene changes, the reader needs to visualize a new scene, which takes a bit of focus.

The pacing in chapter 22 is pretty much perfect. This is a bit of a different chapter because it is in Rayan's POV. The chapter has a strong focus on his internal thoughts, which works well to give the reader a break from the heavy action. However, the chapter is definitely still intense when James shows up at the end to kidnap Rayan!