Rebel Town Reviews [OPEN]

Adapted (Chapters 1 - 5) - @BeccaH287

Adapted (Chapter 1 - 5) by BeccaH287      

Reviewed by njdevin529 

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Cover/Title: I really like the front cover. The shadows and the lighter parts really compliment each other and I love how the wording clashes with the red hair. It actually reminds me of the movie cover for "Enough" starring Jennifer Lopez. It draws you in and plants that seed of suspense in your belly. I think the tagline is really fitting too. As for the title, I may not have read far enough into the story yet, but from the tagline I would gather the tone is more rebellious than adaptive. The first chapter describes her fight out of a system she believes is condemning her, which speaks more like a revolt than an adaption. Like I said, I may not have read far enough to fully comprehend the main focus, but I wanted to bring that to the your attention to see if you might want to reconsider the title.

Summary/Synopsis: Thorough, but not extensive, the summary gives readers an appropriate picture of the main characters and the plot without being exhaustive. Just watch the tense, you seem to use present in the first two paragraphs and then the past in the last paragraph; "who just found" should be "who finds," in that first sentence. Also, just to point out, it's stated that he's "the most average boy you'd ever meet." Then in the next sentence, it states that "all [he] wants is to be a normal teenage boy," so the two contradict each other.

Grammar/Structure: For the most part, the writing is fairly smooth. However, there are quite a few run-on sentences and some discrepancies with tense. As far as structure goes, the paragraphs are clear and concise, but sentence structure needs a little work. Apart from the run-ons, some paragraphs have several sentences beginning with the same word or phrase, making the read sound very repetitive.

Vocabulary/Descriptions: Vocabulary could be a little more varied; for instance, in the first chapter, the word "survive" is used several times. There are some scenes that would benefit from a little more description, like the treehouse scene or the hospital scene. They're very "white" with no visual descriptions of the setting. Regardless, what is lacking in worldbuilding is made up for in describing how the characters feel. The first chapter is agonizing to read as we painfully drag ourselves along the muddy ground in the pouring rain alongside Ivy. Not to mention the second chapter when Charlie finds her and takes note of her wounds. It's hard not to cringe at the severity of her injuries. The author definitely has a knack for relating her characters to her audience.

Pace/Character Development: We spend a lot of time in the main character's head, and that slows the pace down quite a bit. You want to show, not tell. For instance, instead of having your character think to themselves, I'm really scared, show the reader that their heart rate has sped up or their hands are shaking. That said, the characters are really well rounded and fleshed out. Charlie is your average adolescent boy, insecure in his self confidence, resentful of his mother's marriage to his stepdad, and completely out of his depth when he finds a fatally wounded girl in his backyard. I especially like how Charlie is isolated. He doesn't have anyone to turn to, save his best friend, which really makes us root for him. My favorite character, by far, is Niamh who is no-nonsense and maybe a little too carefree. She doesn't coddle Charlie, but encourages him to man up and make his own decisions. Each character has their own complex personalities and they're really well shown in their actions. Niamh calmly lighting a cigarette after he tells her what happened, is a perfect example of showing, not telling.

What I Like Most: I honestly love the cover. If I saw it in the bookstore, I would immediately be drawn to it. I wouldn't change one thing about it. I also really appreciate how each character is personified through their words and actions. In a short period of time, we get a strong sense of who each of them is and what potential role they'll play. I commend the writer for her skill in developing her characters' personalities in a way that makes them leap off the page. It helps engage the readers and encourages us to sympathize and root for the protagonists during their struggles. The author does a great job with helping the audience bond with the characters.

Concluding Thoughts: I do feel we could use a little more backstory, or maybe just a sense of where Ivy is in the beginning, so we know what's happening to her and what she's attempting to do. Mind the repetitiveness and issues with tense, but for the most part, grammar is clean. I also like the cliffhangers at the end of the chapters. They're open-ended and prompt the reader to hurriedly turn the page to see what's going to happen next. With the tension subtly building, I like the direction the story is heading.