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Nightmare (Chapters 1-5) - @WintersNightmare

Nightmare (Chapters 1-5) by WintersNightmare

Reviewed by AmyMarieZ

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Overview: Nightmare is a thrilling and mysterious horror story in which a labyrinth known as Nightmare appears in a city each night, but disappears during the day. No one knows anything about it. Where did it came from? What exactly it is? And, perhaps the most terrifying question, why is it there? The story follows main character Jack, whose best friend Theo disappeared two years ago when Nightmare first appeared. Desperate to find his friend, he plans to enter Nightmare, despite the fact that no one who has gone in has ever returned.

Structure: Nightmare is written in the third person past tense, limited to the perspective of the main character Jack. A significant part of the story revolves around Jack's relationship with his best friend Theo. Because their relationship is such an important part of the story, many flashbacks are included.

In chapter one, a series of flashbacks are presented as Jack looks through a photo album. The photo album is a great device for presenting the flashbacks and creates a nice visual, however, the number of flashbacks presented becomes a bit excessive. Many of the flashbacks do not seem to be related to the story itself, serving only as methods of showing the relationship between Jack and Theo. Cutting down on the number of flashbacks in this chapter might be more effective than presenting so many flashbacks in a row. The other pictures could still be shown and described, but perhaps the detailed flashbacks themselves could be omitted and worked into the story elsewhere if they are important. By removing the weaker flashbacks and keeping the strongest one (the first one showing the two boys meeting) as well as the plot relevant and hooking one (the last one showing Theo's disappearance) might be the most effective way to present the chapter. The reader would get a taste for their relationship, but not feel overwhelmed.

Chapter two begins with a flashback that leads directly into the action of the story. This flashback works very well to introduce the chapter and builds some good interest and suspense going into the scene.

Perhaps the most effective use of flashbacks in Nightmare is in chapters four and five. In these chapters, short flashbacks that are only a few paragraphs in length are interspersed with the action while Jack is entering Nightmare. These flashbacks work excellently to build suspense, tension, and an overbearing feeling of fear and terror! Some of the most interesting flashbacks occur in these chapters, showing that Theo in fact had an obsession with nightmares before his disappearance. It leaves the reader to wonder if perhaps the appearance of Nightmare may have had something to do with Theo himself.

Grammar: In general, the grammar in Nightmare is well done. Sentences are written in a way that is clear to understand. There are a few typos throughout the story, as well as a number of locations where commas are missing or used incorrectly. However, the grammar does not disrupt the flow of the story.

Pace: The pace of the plot development of Nightmare is well done. Each chapter builds suspense, providing the reader with hints and clues that point towards answers, but at the same time opening more and more questions with each chapter.

There are a few minor issues with pacing of individual scenes. One consideration is the amount of telling throughout the story. Sometimes, less is more. While the explanations of Jack's emotions are touching and well done, leaving some of them a little more unsaid might have an even stronger effect. Jack's actions show his emotions very well. The narration stopping to explain them to the reader takes away from that effect. For example, the act of Jack going about and doing all the things Theo used to do is heartbreaking, particularly when he goes and buys a blueberry muffin every day. The reader understands why he is doing this without having to be told. This is just one example of when the story overexplains itself. Of course, it's about balance. Some level of explanation of Jack's feelings is great, but too much takes away from the story, and right now the story seems to be leaning towards there being a bit too much.