The drive back to the palace was awkward. Every time Xander would attempt to speak I turned up the radio and stared out he window.
I was hurt. My own mate chose to stereotype me. He wants me to behave in a manner suitable for a queen. How can I change all that without changing who I am? Cliff diving wasn't even a misdemeanor.
He grasped the steering wheel with one hand while the other ruffled through his hair. He sighed loudly and switched off the radio.
"I'm sorry... ",he said keeping his eyes on me.
Oh, now you're sorry?
"Keep your eyes on the road. ", I said softly.
"Rebecca please... I need you to know that I didn't mean what I said. It's just that your coronation is coming up and everyone is watching you- one mistake and that's it - they will set an image for you as long as you reign. The court will see a weakness and our enemies will strike. Werewolves around the world will think that if their queen can rebel why can't they? "
"You're worried about what people think about me? You are afraid that I won't live up to my title? That I'm not good enough, aren't you? ", I didn't look him in the eye. I stared out the window and let tears flow down my face.
"I don't think that. You are so much more than my queen, you are my mate, my Luna and -", he trailed on.
"And what? You don't think I wake up everyday trying to fit in? well it's hard because I'm not used to this whole idea of belonging to a pack. You need to understand that! You and I come from very different backgrounds. I was a rogue - I still have some habbits belonging to the rogue caliber but I'm not going to let it get in the way of how I choose to lead as a queen.I value this bond way too much to let it slip through my fingers because of my past. You shouldn't let my past define who I am. ", I looked at him now. My tears rolling.
My fingers fiddled with the leather seat.
"I don't want you to change, Rebecca. ", he pulled the car to a stop and embraced me tightly. I could hardly breath. I needed him to hug me and tell me it was okay... But deep down I knew things just shifted. I was hurt and he knew it! This hug doesn't change what he said and how he made me feel. My wolf wants to jump in his arms and forgive him but I can't - at least not yet.
You can't just hurt someone and think it's ok. You can't change so quickly. He was happy a few hours ago and the he was so - angry and now? now he's feeling guilty.
He needs me to change...
I turned up the volume of the radio and cut the conversation short.
I wiped my tears - not a tear more should be shed.
After several awkward minutes of silence later we reached the palace. I got out of the car and Xander remained behind.
The guards opened the huge wooden doors for me and bowed in submission. I went straight to the room I shared with Xander and put on some gym clothes. I needed to blow of some steam. I headed to the training hall, all wolves present bowed and I nodded. I will never get used to this.
I felt their eyes on me. The royal members don't train with the normal members of the pack- but I needed this. I needed to feel normal again...
I started of on the treadmill and then I went to weight lifting. After an hour and a half I went to the punching bag and I let all my frustration out. I was so engrossed in my gym activities that I lost track of time. The gym was now deserted. I sat on the bench and drank my water.
I ran my hand through my wet hair and sighed.
I don't fit in in here - I was honest after a long time and Grace needed to hear me out.
You don't have to. You're the queen - she began saying.
Not yet, I haven't had my coronation - I interrupted.
You've been accepting as the royal Luna, you're basically the queen.
I rolledy eyes.
Rebecca, He was angry. We've all done things in anger... forgive him. He didn't mean it... - Grace spoke softy.
I was reminded of the 'tub incident '.
I just need time... I'm upset.
Grace nodded and was silent.
I needed to get ready for supper so I went back to shower.
On my way I saw Liam and he approached me.
"Rebecca, I heard what happened. He is a jerk for saying that... but he doesn't mean it. He has anger issues... it's very complicated. ", he said softly.
He tried comforting me and being neutral at the same time. A for effort!
"I know, I just need time... you understand right? "
He nodded we spoke about a lighter topic and we teased each other afterwards - idle banter.
I could always count on Liam to make laugh. He walked me back to the palace. We spoke the entire walk there.
"See you at supper. ", he nodded and we parted ways.
I opened my bedroom door and Xander stood in nothing but a towel hanging loosely around his waist. His back had water droplets and his hair was slightly wet. He just had a shower.He's back muscles were so defined and his back was so sleek.
He turned to face my direction and I looked down and sheltered my eyes with my hand.
"Sorry, I-I didn't know, I should have knocked. I'll come back later -", I felt so stupid.
I began to turn around and he spoke- "Its fine,I'm almost done anyway. "
I nodded and took my clothes into the bathroom.
That was not awkward at all I thought while I mentally kicked myself.
When I got out of the bathroom, Xander was gone. I went downstairs to the dining hall even though I wasn't hungry
YOU ARE READING
The Rise of The Royal Rogue
Werewolf"She was running and he was hunting. She was hiding and he was conquering. She was a spirit full of of fire and would he stop at noting to put out the flames." After finding out that Alpha King Xander is her mate, Rebbeca Bluewood will stop at nothi...
